If you’re long-distanced, social distanced, or just busy-working-adults-with-lives distanced, getting to know someone remotely may be your only temporary option. Thankfully, there are several video chat platforms available including FaceTime, Google Duo, Facebook Messenger, Zoom, and Google Hangout. While virtual face to face is convenient, it may make it trickier to determine if the chemistry is there without feeling out in-person vibes. Here are 9 ways to know if you’re hitting it off with someone you’re not in the physical presence of.
- The convo isn’t trailing. Even introverts know how to talk when your signals are in sync. If you find yourself scrambling for words to say or forcing yourself to occupy silence lulls with meaningless conversation fillers, you may not be talking to the right person. If you’re hitting it off with someone, you should have common ground for what to say. Even “boring” people enjoy discussing mundane topics together since they are still of mutual interest.
- You’re getting to know each other. Just because you’re able to talk to someone doesn’t mean you’re fully connecting with them. If you feel like you’ve spoken to someone for a whole week, yet still can’t say much about their past, future goals, interests, hopes, fears, dreams, etc. then you may have just had decent friend-zone level banter. If you’re headed toward a relationship with someone, you should feel like at some point you’re starting to get beneath the surface and see who they really are. You shouldn’t talk to someone for days on end and still feel like they’re essentially a stranger.
- You find yourself not wanting to hang up. Dating is frustrating and gets old over time. Finally matching with someone who isn’t an instant headache can feel like such a relief, and beyond that can and should be exciting. If the compatibility is there, you may feel like you can’t let this person go figuratively and literally. If you get started talking and don’t even want to call it a night because of how well it’s going, this is a good sign.
- You’re not the only one initiating contact. Your excitement alone cannot be a tell-tale sign of things working with someone. If you’re turning into a stage-5 clinger to have these “amazing” video sessions, then the attraction may be one-sided. If you’re both reaching out to one another regularly, this is about as close to quality time as it gets for you two without being in person and that’s a good thing if he wants to spend it with you.
- He isn’t hiding you & his life. Video chatting is nice and can be fun, but just because you don’t have a guy coming over at 2 am doesn’t mean you can’t end up being a virtual side-chick/booty call. If he ends your calls every time someone comes around or he’s going home, I would consider this suspect. Alternatively, if he’s showing his space to you, including introducing you to those around him while on video, this shows promise for what you two have going on.
- You catch him smiling and staring at you. Okay, I know the essence of a video chat is looking at each other, but you will know and feel the difference. Just because someone is on screen doesn’t mean they’re going to maintain eye contact. If he’s zoned in on you the entire time you’re talking and continuously has a grin on his face, there’s a good chance he’s feeling you and likes what he sees.
- The convo flows naturally. Natural as in something you say sparks a story or stems a new topic from him and vice versa. We all have questions when we’re trying to get to know someone, but it’s not fun to feel like you’re being interviewed or took a time machine back to the Spanish Inquisition. Conversation starters are helpful, but they’re just a starting place and if you two aren’t getting in rhythm with one another, you may not have an ideal match.
- There are little to no drugs/alcohol involved. Most people loosen up when they’re in an altered state, so don’t mistake a tipsy chat session for something real. He may not even feel playful or flirty with you at all once his buzz ends. You just got along with the liquor/substance in him and not who he really is.
- You’re laughing with, not at. Laughter is always a good sign that things are going well. It means you’re enjoying yourself while talking to him. Life can be stressful enough on its own and you don’t want to set out to find someone who is going to add to your plate of worries. I’m not saying everything should be a joke and there isn’t room for serious matters to be discussed, but there’s got to be balance and he shouldn’t be the reason for your straight face.