How To Tell What A Guy Wants From You

Men are mysterious creatures and sometimes it’s hard to tell where you stand with them. Knowing what a guy wants would make dating and relationships so much easier, but reading the signs feels almost impossible sometimes. If you’re struggling to decode his behavior, here are 10 questions to ask yourself to determine what exactly he’s after.

  1. Has he introduced you to his family and friends? If he brings you around the people closest to him, he probably wants a relationship with you. Most guys don’t bring a girl they’re seeing to a family barbecue or a friend’s poker night if they don’t see themselves pursuing anything more than a few casual hookups. Why would he invest that much time and energy? The only reason he’s integrating you into his world is that he wants to see if you fit in with his crew. If you do, he just might make your relationship official.
  2. When does he call or text you? Does he text you as soon as he wakes up? That’s a sign that he’s thinking about you first thing. Does he only text you late at night? That’s a sign you’re just a booty call. Are you the only one initiating the texting or does he get in touch first sometimes too? It should be a 50/50 effort. Does he go several days at a time without texting or calling you? That most likely means that he isn’t that into you. Has he left you on read several times? That may mean you aren’t a priority to him.
  3. Are you having sex with him? Are you the only person he’s having sex with or is he hooking up with multiple people? Are you guys doing other fun stuff besides having sex? If you’re only hanging out in his bedroom and never going to the movies or grabbing a bite to eat, he probably only wants sex from you.
  4. Where do you guys spend your time? Is he taking you on dates? Are you going to the movies and trying the new burger joint in town or do you spend all your time on the couch in his apartment? If you’re never doing stuff together, he might not be wanting to put that much effort into things. No one likes to Netflix and chill that much.
  5. How’s the conversation when you’re together? Are you able to talk about deep things or is it all small talk? Is the conversation mostly sexual? Has he told you about his family and opened up to you about his hopes and dreams? Do you guys both talk or is one person doing more of the talking? These are all questions you need to ask yourself and think about when deciding what a guy wants from you.
  6. Has he told you what he wants? If he’s told you he’s just looking for a hookup or a friends with benefits situation, believe him. Don’t try and hold out for more or hope he’ll change his mind. He likely won’t, and you’ll just end up disappointed and possibly heartbroken.
  7. Is he in a place in his life to be in a relationship? Be honest with yourself about where he is in his life. If he just got out a long-term relationship, he might still be grieving or have feelings for his ex. If he’s only in town for a summer internship, you have to remember that he’s going to leave in the fall. All of these factors are going to affect what he wants out of the time he spends with you.
  8. Is he involved with someone else? If he’s dating someone else, it’s highly likely he’s either just using you or he only wants to be your friend. Don’t fall for his trap.
  9. Have you told him what you want? Have you been open and honest with him about what you want? If you’re looking for a relationship, let him know. How he reacts to your honesty will be telling.
  10. When is he available? When is he available to see you? Does he make plans in advance to spend time with you or does he only call you last minute? Does he try to work around your schedule or does he only want to see you when it’s convenient for him? How much of an effort he’s making to spend time with you will show you what he wants from you. Remember the saying, actions speak louder than words because in this case, it’s definitely true!

Things you can do to figure out what a guy wants

  1. Test the waters. While you may have only been “hanging out” (what does that even mean?!) or seeing each other for a few days or weeks, you need direction. Sure, it might feel OTT to blatantly ask him where he sees you guys going. However, you can tease out what he’s thinking about you by asking him general questions about relationships and if he’s interested in anything long-term.
  2. Express what you want. One of the best ways to find out what a guy really wants from you is to express what you’re looking for and see how he responds. You’ll be able to tell by his reaction where he stands. A guy who looks away and breathes heavily when you mention that you’re looking for a committed relationship? Well, that tells you everything you need to know.
  3. Watch what he does. He might flirt with you like he’s got zero shame, but forget all that and focus instead on how he treats you. Does he leave your messages on “read” for days at a time? Does he prioritize his mates over you? Those are signs you’re way down on his priority list and he’s not really looking for anything serious with you.
  4. Stop contacting him. You might not think anything of always being the one to initiate contact with him, but he’s supposed to make some effort otherwise it points to him not being that interested. Besides, how can he miss you if you’re always texting him? So, back off a little and let him come to you. You’ll quickly see if he ever thinks of you.
  5. Check his texting personality. What does he always want to talk about? That will give you a real clue into where his head’s at. If he only ever pulls the conversation into dirty talk, no matter how much you try to have a deep chat, that’s a clear sign he’s only after a fling.
  6. Notice what he does when you’re down. When you hit a bump on life’s road, does he run to your rescue? Does he really show that he cares, such as by calling you to see how you are? Or does he disappear off the map? If he’s interested in something real with you, he’s going to support you from day one and you’ll be able to feel that he cares.
  7. Ask him about his life. If he can open up to you about his life, thoughts, and feelings, that’s a really good sign that he’s letting you in. This means you have a real chance to build something outside the bedroom too.
  8. Check his word. You know what they say: if someone can keep their small promises, they’re more likely to keep bigger ones. When he says he’ll call you later in the day or he’ll meet up with you on the weekend, does he? Or, does he leave you hanging and confused about what he wants? Which brings us to the next point…
  9. Notice where he takes you. When he invites you out, does he take you to a restaurant he knows you’ll love? Does he take you to a place where you can really talk and get to know each other? Does he make an effort into planning your dates? This all points to him making a real effort to impress you. On the other hand, if he’s always dragging you to the bar for drinks or he invites you out with his mates every single time, it’s clear he’s not keen on having quality time with you.
  10. Is he consistent? At the end of the day, consistency is one of the most important things to look for. A guy who wants to be with you is going to give you clear, consistent messages. He won’t send mixed messages that make you want to pull your hair out because they’re so frustrating. He’s not going to blow hot and cold or leave you confused about whether or not he likes you.
I love to write on my laptop with my cat on my lap and a cup of tea nearby :)