It’s a painful pill to swallow when you thought the guy who had it all turns out to be next to nothing. How do you know he’s sincere ahead of time to avoid having your time wasted? Here are 9 signs your imagined Prince Charming will remain a frog after you kiss him.
- He agrees with everything you say. Guys who have an agenda will sell you a dream to get what they want…and it will usually be yours. If you come off or announce yourself as someone who wants a serious relationship, this is what they’ll tell you they’re looking for. If you complain about dudes who have had false intentions or dragged their feet to commit, he will firmly assert that he is anything but “like those other guys.” He will go out of his way to make sure you think you’re both on the same page when really, he’s just reading out of his playbook.
- He doesn’t try to get to know you. If a guy has intentions of building, the first place he’ll start is the foundation. He will be interested in finding out who you are and seeing how your lives mesh together. A guy who is on something else won’t care about your history or future. He’s only in it for the present until what he’s looking for gets fulfilled. Then he will be on to the next one, if he isn’t already simultaneously pitching himself to whoever will catch.
- His public and private persona don’t match. You should automatically flag any guy who carefully curates his public image. Men are typically more private than women by nature, so if he’s intentionally making an effort to be seen a certain way, he may be doing so because he has things to hide. There are a lot of men who seem too good to true on paper because they keep their ugly truths off the record.
- He has a victim story. Consider it a red flag if a guy leads with his dirty laundry or a sob story. Most people aren’t comfortable revealing their scars right away. We all have history and something that has brought us pain, but casually throwing it out there on day one is suspect. Does he want you to feel sorry for him or is he just setting up an excuse for how his behavior is lacking later on? Either way, what seems like a guy’s deepest darkest secret or burden should take time to find out otherwise he may be milking the alleged circumstance for personal gain.
- He insists on buying you something or doing something for you. Guys who are insecure think you have to owe them. They will offer you food, to fix something in your home, or even something high-end if it is in their budget. They think if they feed you dinner, you will feel obligated to go along with their requested “dessert.” They may just create a habit of giving you things for a while until something doesn’t go their way, then they will throw in your face how much they did for you/gave you (even if you never asked for any of that stuff). Forced generosity isn’t always a dream come true.
- He has excuses for days. This guy is super inconsistent. He’s one of those who is either too busy or bad at texting. His workdays are long, he’s always at the gym, and someone always needs him for something. He “just got a new phone” or “something happened to his old phone.” Whatever the line he gives you today is, if you ever feel like you have to insert yourself in his life to make things work instead of him naturally accommodating you because you’re a priority to him, then just walk away.
- He says the timing is off. This is the guy who just got out of a serious relationship. Or he’s still legally in one but supposedly separated. Or he’s just not trying to jump right into anything. If you didn’t sweep him off his feet, let him take a seat. You should never have to wait for someone to be ready for you. If he wanted you badly enough, he would make himself ready. Otherwise, it’s not your job to convince someone of you being right for them. Just leave the whole thing alone if he’s not open to it in the present.
- He competes with you. This is a sign of a gaslighter and/or general manipulator. This guy’s childhood was worse than yours, his job is more demanding, he generally has more reasons to be tired than you do. Someone who is genuine will want to align themselves with you, not be in constant opposition to you or always remain above you.
- His story changes. This is the guy you can never pin down. One minute he “never said that” the next he “told you that already.” You have multiple conversations about the same topic because you don’t get a straight answer from him and are left in a constant state of confusion. His actions do not match his words and his words hold as much weight as the weather forecast.
