How To Tell When A Guy Is Only Telling You What You Want To Hear

When you like someone, there’s nothing better than hearing that they feel the same about you, that they’d like to go out with you, or something else equally sweet that makes you dizzy with happiness. But how do you know that these things are genuine? Sadly, people all over this planet tell other people things that they want to hear, without meaning an ounce of it. Read on for a quick guide on how to tell when he’s telling you what you want to hear rather than the truth.

  1. He says one thing and does another. This is the most obvious sign that a guy (or anybody else) is just telling you what you want to hear without meaning any of it. Actions speak louder than words. If he’s talking one way and acting another, take his behavior as the truth. It’s a lot easier to fake words than it is to fake behavior, which is why actions are so telling.
  2. What he says doesn’t add up. If you think about what he’s saying to you, does it really add up? Or is there something not quite right? When something seems fishy with what he’s saying, it’s usually because there’s dishonesty or inconsistency there somewhere. If you think he might be just agreeing with you to keep you happy, pay attention to what he’s really saying. If you had to lie it all out on a table in a courtroom before a judge, would it actually make sense?
  3. He always has something positive/sweet to say. Life would be very different if were possible to genuinely be positive about every single thing. It’s normal to have negative opinions. And in a relationship, it’s definitely normal to have differences of opinion. So question whether he’s being genuine if he agrees/has something positive to say to absolutely everything. While he might be a cheerful person, it’s very odd for a person to have no negative opinions at all.
  4. You can’t have a deep conversation with him. When a guy only tells you what you want to hear, it means that he’s also hiding a lot of how he really feels from you. This can lead him to avoid opening up to you or having deeper conversations with you. He might be scared that if he does open up, the truth about how he’s really feeling inside will come out. People who only say things that other people want to hear generally don’t want to have intimate, lengthy conversations because it’s a lot harder to keep up the act this way.
  5. You never argue. As annoying as it is, arguing is normal in a healthy relationship, particularly after the honeymoon stage has passed. If a couple doesn’t argue, it’s possibly because one of them just says white lies to impress or please the other. While arguing most of the time isn’t ideal, either, at least a couple who argues is being honest with each other on what they disagree about. Never arguing at all, not even in a calm and healthy way, is actually a sign that he’s not being totally honest with you.
  6. He seems afraid of your reaction. Sometimes, a guy will tell you what you want to hear only because he’s truly scared of you. For whatever reason, he doesn’t want to risk upsetting you or making you mad, so he tells you things that he knows will keep you happy. Look for other signs that he might fear you or be wary of your responses. Maybe there was a time in the past when you got super angry when he was honest with you. If you suspect that’s the case, it might be worth having a chat about it. Let him know that you can handle the truth.
  7. He’s passive-aggressive. When people bottle up thoughts and feelings inside, they can unknowingly act in a passive-aggressive way. They’re not dealing with their emotions in a healthy way because they’re not venting them. So as that frustration takes over them, they might lash out in subtle ways. Look out for snide comments, acting stubborn, and generally being difficult.
  8. You get a lot of mixed messages from him. Mixed messages are rarely a good thing. Often, they happen when someone is too scared to say how they really feel. For example, a guy might tell you that he really likes you more than a friend. But then he’ll bail on your dates or refuse to ask you out. It can be really confusing to try and decode this behavior! Generally, mixed messages are less likely to happen when someone is truly into you and there are no other problems lurking beneath the surface.




Vanessa Locampo is an Aussie writer who’s equally obsessed with YA fiction and pasta. Her time is divided between writing all the things, reading all the things, listening to Queen, and bopping her cat on the nose. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing and has written for sites including and Discovering Montana, and currently works as an editor at Glam. You can keep up with her on Instagram @vanessaellewrites.