How To Tell When A Guy Is Using You

You think he likes you, but he could have a hidden agenda: to use you and take what he can get until he dumps you like a bad habit. Here’s how to tell it’s happening to you so you can stop getting disrespected by this loser and move on to someone who actually deserves you.

  1. How shows up at weird hours. You told him you were busy but now he’s ringing your doorbell late at night. He wasn’t just “in the neighborhood” or “missing you” so much he couldn’t wait for your date in a few days. He wanted a booty call, plain and simple.
  2. He’s a midnight texter. He doesn’t respond to texts you send him during the day, which is infuriating, but then he’s all about chatting late at night when you’re supposed to be asleep. How convenient, especially since…
  3. His texts always turn sexual. You can tell he’s just keen on sex by how his texts will always become sexual. You can ask him about his work day or his dreams, or even about something funny that happened to him, and sooner or later his texts will start to go south. Ugh. It’s so frustrating. Clearly he’s not interested in having anything other than a sexual connection.
  4. He’s selfish about his schedule. A guy who’s using you will want everything to go his way all the time. He’ll become passive-aggressive or sarcastic when you can’t see him because of something important that came up but then will expect you to jump when he wants to hang out. He’s like a man-child throwing his toys around when he doesn’t get his way!
  5. He requires a passcode to open up. When chatting to this guy, does it usually feel like you need to figure out a passcode in order to get him to open up about his life and thoughts? Geez, is there anything more irritating? But don’t think he’s just a closed-off kind of person. By keeping you at a distance, he can get what he wants without having to take the relationship seriously.
  6. He won’t talk about relationships. Linked to the above point is how a guy who’s only using you will avoid all relationship talk. He won’t talk about where he sees you guys going because he doesn’t see a relationship future with you. Period. Don’t be surprised when he changes the subject whenever you start to talk about feelings or relationship goals. He might also show body language signs that he’s getting frustrated, such as rubbing his hand through his hair, clenching his jaw, or rolling his eyes.
  7. He ignores your feelings. When you date someone, you want to feel like you can share your feelings. But with this guy, he seems to zone out whenever you talk about something real. He’ll look at his phone for the tenth time or check out the hot blonde who’s just walked into the restaurant. Since he’s all about having fun, he doesn’t want to get too deep so he literally distracts himself.
  8. He calls when he needs something. He’s more of a texter than a caller, or so he says. But then when he needs something from you, suddenly he remembers how to make a call with his phone. Pretty damn convenient. If a guy only jumps through hoops when he needs something from you, whether it’s money or a date (’cause his other plans fell through), that’s a sure sign you’re being used.
  9. He’s selfish in the bedroom. A guy who’s selfish when it comes to wanting everything his way will probably also be selfish when it comes to sex. He won’t care about what you need or want in the bedroom, but will want you to make all his fantasies come true. What a jerk! If you’re feeling unsatisfied, you’re probably feeling pretty “meh” about this so-called relationship. Time to get out.
  10. He’s super-charming when it suits him. So, we already mentioned how a guy who’s using you will jump through hoops when he wants something from you, and linked to this is the guy who will turn on the charm when it suits him. After going AWOL for a while, he’ll resurface and be the nicest, most interested in you guy that you’ve ever seen. It’s all part of his game to get what he wants when he wants it.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.