How To Text A Guy You Like But Aren’t Dating Yet

You really like the guy and you want that to come across in your text but you’re not sure how. You don’t want to seem too eager, but you also don’t want to come off as disinterested or aloof. If you’re unsure how to strike a balance, here’s how to text the guy you like but that you’re not dating just yet.

What to do when you text a guy you like

  1. Play it cool. Keep messages short and sharp at the start. Don’t get in your head about what he’s thinking at this stage. Just think about what you would do if you were talking to someone less cool than you. You don’t have to be all over each other from day one, so give the guy time to come to you first.
  2. Talk about what hobbies interest you. There’s no point wasting time with useless small-talk. It isn’t memorable, and it’s very surface-level. For a guy to become attracted to you and want to date you, shock-horror, you have to show him YOU! It sounds simple, but it’s a surprisingly easy way of coming off as confident and assured.
  3. Throw in some playful texts to break the ice. Throwing in some more hypothetical questions when you text a guy allows him to flex his more creative side. It means he’ll associate you with fun and lightheartedness and it keeps the conversational awkwardness at bay and keeps things flowing.
  4. Ask him questions. As much as it’s important to direct the conversation to where your interests lie, it’s equally important to hear from the guy you’re talking to. Ask about what he’s interested in and what drives him. You will find common ground and the conversation will be more natural.
  5. Be honest in your communication. Stop the conversation early on if you get the ick, and by the same virtue, show him you’re interested in dating him if you feel that connection. Either way, be honest and show that you’re looking to form a genuine connection. If you claim ownership of your feelings and honor them, he will respect you. It shows maturity from you and demands it from him, which is essential if you’re going to have a relationship in the future.
  6. Talk about your family. Family is the tie that binds us all and try as we might, we can’t avoid it. This is a rich topic of conversation that shows us the value of our memories and demonstrates to the guy you’re talking about that you care about important things like family. It adds depth to your personality and makes him more likely to be emotionally connected with you.
  7. Suggest activity-based dates if texting stalls. When you’re just starting out at the talking stage, take the pressure off the conversation by basing the date around an activity. It can be a sport or a hobby or a spontaneous adventure. Either way, it prevents that awkward situation of silence at the dinner table and encourages a less traditional (and more fun!) opportunity to really understand each other. That will tell you if you really want to date the guy or not.
  8. Be brave enough to be vulnerable. We all want to present the best, coolest version of ourselves to people that we want to impress. That’s natural. But, we also need to let allow the guy to learn who we truly are so that he doesn’t just see the carefully curated version of ourselves. Share something unexpected with him. It doesn’t need to be a TMI tidbit, but something that might not be immediately evident about your life or your personality should pique his attention.
  9. Don’t be afraid to be flirty. Dare him to do things or use imperatives when you text the guy. This doesn’t mean you should be rude or bossy, but saying something like “stop thinking about me” or joking that he’s obsessed with you if he double texts is a great way to show interest in a low-risk way.
  10. End the conversation first. You don’t want to be the person that’s too available. It sends the message that you’ll always be there waiting for him, which isn’t a desirable trait. You can learn from his texting habits as he’ll reveal his interest by not wanting to cut the conversation short. It also proves that he isn’t playing you, if anything, you’re playing him. End the conversation as it begins to naturally wind down. This shouldn’t be an overt power play but rather a decisive action that sends the message that while you like talking to him, you’re not desperate.

What not to do when texting him

  1. Don’t overthink what you’re saying. If you’re interested in this guy, your conversation will be more natural and effortless if you don’t overthink it (easier said than done, I know). Just because you’re nervous doesn’t mean that he’s noticed that. Give yourself credit for being such a catch and back yourself when you text him. If you feel ready, take a few risks with flirty texts or pictures.
  2. Don’t get too comfortable too fast. No one wants to accidentally stumble into a relationship when one party just wants to hang out. You might really like this guy, but it’s important to give the guy space over text. He might think you’re clingy or smothering him. You like this guy, but your text should reflect where you are in your relationship. Don’t jump the gun.
  3. Don’t trauma-dump over text. It’s important to trust the guy you’re talking to, and you should be able to talk to him about a lot of things. However, because it’s early on in your time together, you shouldn’t be downloading all the things that are wrong with your life and expecting him to bear that when you aren’t actually dating yet. It just isn’t fair.
  4. Don’t reveal all your secrets… or your bad habits. This is just a matter of common sense. Someone who has loved you for years might still find you annoying, so don’t expect someone to tolerate you being a bratty person when you’re still not through the texting phase yet.
Hannah has a Masters degree in Romantic and Victorian literature in Scotland and spends her spare time writing anything from essays to short fiction about the life and times of the frogs in her local pond! She loves musical theatre, football, anything with potatoes, and remains a firm believer that most of the problems in this world can be solved by dancing around the kitchen to ABBA. You can find her on Instagram at @_hannahvic.
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