How To Text A Guy You Like While Keeping It Casual

When you’ve got a crush, it can feel super intimidating to make the first move. The good news is that an innocent text can go a long way in breaking the ice and allowing the two of you to get to know each other better. Here’s how to text a guy you like while keeping it casual.

  1. Find a reason to send the first text. The first time you reach out to your crush, find an excuse–no matter how simple–to do so. For example, you could text him asking him to remind you of the name of the band he mentioned the last time you spoke in person. Or send a picture of the food truck you’ve both been wanting to try if you “happen” to pass by it. Whatever your first text is, make it relevant to something you’ve both talked about before or ask a question that only he knows the answer to. Giving your first message a little context is an easy way to break the ice.
  2. Ask for advice. This goes hand-in-hand with the first suggestion. People (especially guys) love sharing their expertise, so asking for a bit of advice is an easy text to send to hit off a conversation. Maybe your crush is from the area and can hook you up with some restaurant recommendations. Maybe he’s really into music and you’re looking to spice up your Spotify playlist. Whatever the case may be, asking him for tips or suggestions will both boost his ego while opening the door to future conversations.
  3. Make him laugh. Casual texting is the perfect opportunity to show off your wit and charm. After all, it’s a lot easier to be smooth when you have time to think about what you’re going to say. Keep the conversation light and crack a joke when the opportunity arises. If you get a laugh-crying emoji in response, you’ll know you’re on the right track.
  4. Use gifs and emojis wisely. And speaking of emojis, a great way to keep the conversation lighthearted and fun is to include a funny emoji or gif here or there that’s relevant to the conversation. While texts can easily be misinterpreted, a little winky face goes a long way in showing you’re joking or being casually flirtatious. Just don’t go mad. A few emojis and a gif or two is plenty for one conversation.
  5. When in doubt, default to an inside joke. Once you and the guy you like have bantered a bit–either in person or via text–bring up an inside joke you two share to both remind him of a connection you two have made and, you guessed it, make him laugh. Recalling shared jokes is a casual way to remind him of your past interactions and show him you certainly haven’t forgotten them.
  6. Match his rhythm. If he texts you back immediately, go for it and keep that text convo hot. If he takes a while to respond, it’s not a bad idea to do the same. He might feel overwhelmed if you respond ASAP to his texts if that’s not really his style, so take your time and don’t be afraid to build the anticipation and spend some time crafting the perfect response.
  7. Mention common interests. Bringing up activities that both you and the guy you like are fond of is a great way to kick off an engaging conversation, all while suggesting the possibility that the two of you perform those activities together. If you’re both basketball fans, ask him about his March Madness bracket. If the two of you are runners, mention a new running trail you’ve discovered. Whatever you two have in common, make sure he’s aware of it.
  8. Bring up mutual friends. If you’ve got some friends in common, go ahead and mention them from time to time. This could easily plant the seed for a group hangout involving you and your crush. You could say something like, “The other day my friends and I got dessert at this new café in town. You should join us next time!” There’s strength in numbers and you and he might feel more confident meeting again face-to-face if you’re surrounded by friends.
  9. Send pictures (but no selfies). Once you cross into cute or flirty selfie territory, there’s no going back. At this stage, you can definitely send your guy photos, but not of yourself. For example, if you’re on a hike with friends you could send him a picture of the view with the caption “How jealous are you right now?”. Or if you’re finally starting the Netflix series he’s been raving about, send a picture of the show on your laptop screen. Remember, keep things light and relevant to conversations you’ve already had.
  10. Know when to stop. The key to keeping it casual is never showing too much of your hand. After exchanging a few messages, leave him hanging until either he or you strikes up a new conversation. Don’t overdo it. If the conversation feels like it’s lulling, don’t be afraid to let it fizzle out. Trust me, if you’ve done a good job you’ll stay on his mind long after your name pops up on his phone.


Julia is a recent graduate of the University of Virginia where she majored in English and French language and literature. She's engaged in an on-again-off-again French love affair (with the country itself) and has been crushing on French pop star Jean-Baptiste Maunier for about 8 years. When she's not writing you can find her rereading The Wizard of Oz or trying to run away with the circus.