No one enjoys writing their dating profile. Trying to encapsulate your entire self into a few sentences which could be the deciding factor in whether or not you meet the love of your life is nerve-wracking to say the least, but luckily, there are a few hacks you try. Here’s how to write a profile that will attract the partner you’re looking for:
- Let go of your “ideal partner.” Apps can make dating feel like a salad bar: you want someone with brown eyes, a sense of humor, a love of 80s music, and a solid gym regimen. But those characteristics, however attractive, do not comprise the essence of a person. That is much harder to describe. The person you click with will probably bear no resemblance to the person you think will be your soulmate. When writing your profile, don’t get too focused on listing the attributes you think you’re looking for. Leave the door open for something better.
- Focus on what you’re looking for rather than what you’re not looking for. A common mistake is trying to discourage certain people from matching with you by saying what you don’t want. Saying, “no hookups” will probably have the intended consequence of turning away people who are looking to get laid, but it may also turn away people who simply find negativity unattractive. The more you can detail what you are looking for, the more the people who fit that description will be likely to match with you.
- Embrace sincerity. Everyone loves a funny profile, but when was the last time you got more than good banter and a few chuckles out of a guy whose profile drips with sarcasm? Sincerity has a bad rap because a lot of people associate it with humorlessness. But too much humor can indicate fear of intimacy, or even reluctance to connect with others. Finding a person who is serious about the dating process is no easy task when it comes to online dating. Being earnest about your intentions is a good place to start.
- Avoid generic hobbies. Most people like traveling and trying new restaurants. What actually sets you apart? Are you super into nail art or know the lyrics to every Disney film? Maybe you’re obsessed with The Sims or vegetable gardening, or maybe you’re a closeted geology nerd. What do you love to do that makes you a little weird? Online dating is not a police lineup. You want to stand out, not blend in.
- Choose your photos carefully. Seductive selfies might get you attention, but they probably won’t be the comprehensive representation of your personality that you want to convey. Research from the dating app Hinge found that bathroom selfies are 90% less likely to receive likes than other photos. In contrast, photos of you by yourself are 69% more likely to receive likes than group photos, and black and white photos are a whopping 106% more likely to receive likes than color photos. When it comes to choosing pictures, being strategic pays off.
- Don’t try to outsmart the system. In contrast, being overly strategic in your written profile can backfire. There are plenty of studies that break down the content of successful bios into graphs and numbers, but consider what you want out of your online dating experience. Are you looking for the most matches or the most promising matches? You’d probably rather match with fewer people who are better candidates than lots of people whom you have no interest in. Avoid looking at the numbers and focus instead on specificity: who you are and what you’re looking for.
- Run it past your friends. You want your profile to capture the essence of who you are. Your friends will keep you honest, and notice if you’re underselling yourself or missing some crucial quirkiness that sets you apart. And if you’re too self-conscious to show your profile to your friends, it may be an indication that you’re pitching yourself as someone you’re not. If this is the case, you probably won’t end up matching with people you’re compatible with.
- Make a list! Staring at an empty profile page has the inconvenient tendency to wipe your mind blank. You’ll find yourself thinking, “What do I do with my free time?” “How would I describe myself?” To take the anxiety out of the process, get a paper and pencil and start jotting down things that come to mind when you think about yourself. You’ll end up with a list of seemingly random words that you can then incorporate into your profile. Instead of trying to answer specific profile prompts, come armed with an overabundance of descriptors that capture who you are.
- Be honest about what kind of relationship you’re looking for. You don’t have to say: “I am looking for someone who is ready to get married in 2.5 years and doesn’t want children.” But being candid about what you’re doing on the app will help filter out dead-end relationships. Are you looking for a long-term partner? A travel companion? Are you ready to meet the love of your life? Or maybe you’re just looking for some fun after ending a long-term relationship. Be honest about what kind of partnership you’re after, and like-minded people will respond.
- Don’t be afraid to change it. Your profile should reflect your present self. It should adapt just as much as you adapt. If you read your profile a few months after you painstakingly created it and feel like you no longer recognize the person you’re describing, change it! The more you mold your profile to fit your current self, the more truthful and natural it will come across.
