Friendships are supposed to be your safe haven, not a source of hurt or frustration. But sometimes, even the people closest to you cross lines they shouldn’t. It can be hard to call them out—after all, they’re your friend, right? But some behaviors are simply not okay, no matter how much history you share. Here are 14 hurtful things no one should put up with from a friend and why setting boundaries is an act of self-respect.
1. Always Turning the Spotlight on Themselves
You’re halfway through sharing something important, and suddenly, the conversation shifts—back to them. It’s incredibly hurtful, especially when it’s a repeated behavior. Real friends give as much as they take in conversations. If someone can’t make space for your feelings or stories, it’s more than frustrating—it’s hurtful. Friendship is about balance, not one person hogging the stage. If they’re always turning the conversation back to themselves, it might be time to reassess.
2. Using Your Struggles as Entertainment
There’s nothing worse than finding out a friend is airing your struggles for laughs or gossip. Whether they’re framing it as “just a funny story” or outright spilling your secrets, this behavior cuts deep. Sharing your life with a friend should feel safe, not like giving them material for their next performance. If they’re treating your pain as something to joke about, that’s not a friend—it’s a red flag.
3. Disappearing When You Need Them Most
You’re going through a tough time, and suddenly, your “friend” is nowhere to be found. They’re great for fun nights out but completely vanish when things get real. It’s easy to spot when someone’s only there for the good times, and it hurts. True friends show up when it matters, even when it’s inconvenient. If they consistently ghost you during your low moments, it’s time to rethink their role in your life.
4. Undermining You with Backhanded Compliments
“Wow, I could never pull off that outfit, but good for you!” Sound familiar? Backhanded compliments are these kinds of people’s specialty. On the surface, it seems like they’re being nice, but underneath, it feels like a dig. These comments are subtle enough to make you second-guess your reaction, which is part of what makes them so toxic. Friends are supposed to lift you up, not leave you wondering if they’re secretly putting you down.
5. Making You Feel Guilty for Prioritizing Yourself
Ever set a boundary or say “no” to plans, only to get hit with a guilt trip? Friends who can’t respect your choices—and make you feel bad for them—are crossing a line. Whether it’s passive-aggressive comments or outright pouting, this behavior is hugely manipulative. Your time and energy are yours to manage, and a real friend respects that without making it about them. If guilt-tripping is their go-to move, it’s time to push back.
6. Comparing You to Their Other Friends
“Oh, Sarah is so much better at this than you are.” Ouch. Friends who constantly compare you to others aren’t building you up—they’re tearing you down. These comments can leave you feeling like you’ll never measure up, which is the opposite of what friendship should be. Everyone has unique strengths, and true friends appreciate yours without turning everything into a competition. If they keep bringing others into the mix, it’s worth calling them out.
7. Acting Like They’re Doing You a Favor by Hanging Out
Does it ever feel like your friend thinks they’re gracing you with their presence? They’ll mention how “busy” they are or how lucky you are they could squeeze you in. It’s condescending and makes the relationship feel one-sided. Friendships aren’t about keeping score or creating hierarchies. If someone acts like spending time with you is a chore, it might be time to question why you’re prioritizing them in the first place.
8. Constantly Criticizing Your Life Choices
We all need a little tough love sometimes, but there’s a difference between constructive feedback and constant criticism. If your friend has something negative to say about every decision you make—your career, your relationships, your haircut—it’s exhausting. True friends support your growth without tearing you down. If their critiques feel more like attacks than advice, it’s worth setting some boundaries. You deserve encouragement, not relentless nitpicking.
9. Dismissing Your Achievements
Whether it’s a promotion, a personal goal, or even just surviving a tough week, achievements deserve to be celebrated. But some friends brush them off, making you feel like they’re no big deal. “Oh, that’s nice” isn’t exactly the reaction you want when you’re excited about something. A real friend will cheer you on the loudest, no matter how small the win. If they can’t do that, it says more about them than you.
10. Never Owning Up to Their Mistakes
Everyone messes up—it’s part of being human. But if your friend refuses to apologize or always finds a way to blame you, that’s a problem. Accountability is key in any relationship, and friendships are no exception. If they can’t admit when they’re wrong or make amends, it creates a pattern of unresolved tension. You deserve friends who value the relationship enough to take responsibility when they mess up.
11. Turning Others Against You
If your friend starts spreading rumors or manipulating others to take their side in a disagreement, it’s a betrayal of trust. This kind of behavior is more about control than friendship. True friends address issues directly with you, not by rallying a team against you. If someone resorts to this kind of drama, they’re showing you they care more about winning than maintaining a healthy connection. That’s not friendship—it’s sabotage.
12. Treating You Like a Backup Plan
Do you only hear from them when their “better” plans fall through? Being treated like a backup option stings, especially when you’re putting effort into the friendship. A good friend values your time and prioritizes the relationship, not just when it’s convenient for them. If someone’s treating you like a last resort, it’s worth rethinking how much energy you’re investing in them. You deserve friends who choose you, not settle for you.
13. Making Jokes at Your Expense
It’s all fun and games until the jokes cross a line. If your friend is constantly making you the punchline, it’s not humor—it’s hurtful. Even if they claim “it’s just a joke,” the impact still stings. Laughter shouldn’t come at the cost of someone’s dignity or feelings. A real friend knows where the line is and respects it. If their jokes leave you feeling small, it’s time to speak up or step back.
14. Ignoring Your Needs When It’s Inconvenient
Friendship is about showing up, even when it’s not easy. If your friend consistently ignores your needs because it’s inconvenient for them, it’s a sign of selfishness. Whether it’s emotional support, practical help, or just being there, their actions (or lack of them) speak volumes. A true friend makes an effort, even when it’s not convenient, because they value the relationship. If they can’t do that, it’s time to reevaluate their place in your life.
This content was created by a real person with the assistance of AI.
