My husband and I are swingers; we have sex with multiple partners and love trying new things. Some of our favorite experiences tend to be the most embarrassing, but that’s what makes them so entertaining.
- A stranger licked my butthole. We weren’t prepared for our first orgy. We were expecting to watch a couple get down and dirty to see if it was for us, but we got in the mood quickly and ended up doing a wife swap. Everything was great until a third guy showed up. We had an odd man out, but I was feeling adventurous—I wanted to go down on my husband while the stranger did me from behind. He wanted to use his tongue and I wasn’t going to deny him, but instead of going for my clit, he licked my butthole. Who does that? I was embarrassed as hell. Now I make sure to tell guys rimming is off-limits.
- A guy groped my love handle. Some of my sexting buddies were going to be in town and they invited me and my spouse to their hotel room. There was plenty of alcohol, food, and games. We all had a great time playing Cards Against Humanity and as my sexting buddy who was sitting next to me got drunker, he started getting handsier. My husband and I were both fine with it… until he rested his arm around me and started groping my love handle. I froze. What was he going to do? Apparently, he was too drunk to notice or too embarrassed to do anything so he sat there with his hand casually groping my fat. Needless to say, I wanted to die.
- We went to the wrong party. My husband and I were invited to a swinger soirée at a hotel in a nearby city. There were several other couples in the lobby walking toward one of the ballrooms. We followed suit, paid our entrance fees, and were happy to flirt our way over to the bar. I wore a lowcut dress and no panties as an open invitation, so when a hot guy started feeling me up, I was only too happy to respond in kind. It was great until my husband yanked me away and ushered me from the room. He explained we were at some kind of company charity event and our party was in another ballroom! I felt disgusted and cheap and a number of other things, but most of all I felt humiliated.
- I nearly knocked my husband out. We were at a friend’s place with a few others and things started to get hot and heavy. Everything was going great until my partner tried to get fancy. He lifted me up and was pounding into me freestyle, which was hot as hell. I used his thighs as leverage and we went at it like animals, but the friction and extra exertion made us sweat profusely. Long story short, my foot slipped, we slammed into each other, he fell backward, and I somehow punched him square in the jaw. We had to ice my knuckles and he wound up with a huge bruise. Worst. Moment. Ever.
- Skinny dipping went seriously wrong. We had a group of friends over for a night swim. Of course, one thing led to another and swimsuits started flying off. Some people were making the most of it while the rest of us were playing with a few beach balls or having chicken fights. In the midst of it all, my husband thought it’d be a great idea to go for a quickie. Water isn’t the best lubricant and things were awkward for a while, which was embarrassing enough, but then someone who was drunkenly chicken fighting crashed into us. We were separated and my poor husband was kicked right in the nads. We don’t invite so many people over for skinny dipping anymore.
- I’m pretty sure we scarred a child for life. A couple invited us out for dinner and a little fun at their place. They had kids but they guaranteed they’d be out of the house that night. After a wine-filled dinner, we got an Uber to their place. I almost didn’t have a shirt on anymore by the time we made it through the entryway and my partner was stepping out of his pants when a light turned on upstairs. We panicked and got dressed just as the couple’s son came downstairs. He must have known what was up because I hadn’t buttoned my top right, his mom’s skirt was inside out, and we were all breathing heavily. I’ve never felt shame before that moment. It was embarrassing and dangerous and we’ve never met at their place since.
- Someone called the cops. We met up with two new couples for a little hot tub fun. We weren’t having sex or even touching each other yet, we were just sipping drinks and talking when a cop wandered into the backyard and asked us what was going on. The husband of the house explained that we were just enjoying a leisurely conversation while skinny dipping. The officer said a neighbor had called because we were being loud, obnoxious and we were trying to muddy her mind with our nudity. Yup, she was a nosy religious nut. The cop gave the neighbor a verbal warning but said we were fine and to have a good night. It wasn’t the worst I’d ever been through but it was still embarrassing.
- We got catfished by an older couple. My husband and I were sexting another couple for a few weeks and decided to meet them. We went to the restaurant and waited for them to show but they never did. As we made our way to the front to leave, an elderly man tapped my shoulder. Turns out, the couple we’d been sexting had posed as a younger couple. We were expecting them to be our age, but they were about 30 years older than us. As if that wasn’t enough, they made a big scene in front of everyone. They wanted us to pay for their dinner, which they ate at a separate table. I was mortified. We went home and sent out a warning about the couple which got them banned from the site to ensure they couldn’t try to swindle anyone else.
- I’m sure I had the worst first “kiss” ever. Sometimes my husband and I go out on romantic double dates. When a new couple invited us out, we were into it. Everyone got along well and after dinner, we continued getting to know one another at a nearby bar. We drank, played some pool, and planned to meet up later in the week for some real fun. As we were leaving, the wife leaned in for a kiss. I wasn’t expecting it but she was wasted and I wanted to be polite, so I kissed her. When I tried to pull away, she grabbed my head and started licking my face. Her husband had to pry her off me and I had to wash her spit off me in the bathroom. There was no second date.