My Husband Told Me He’s Bisexual… After We Got Married

I suppose the headline here is a bit misleading—this story didn’t actually happen to me, but to my best friend. Her husband is a great guy, but he wasn’t honest with her and ended up dropping a major bombshell two days after her wedding: he’s bisexual. His late revelation has caused all kinds of trust issues, all which could have been avoided if he’d only told her before they walked down the aisle.

He was worried she would leave him.

 It was a very hard admission, especially since he’d never told anyone about his bisexuality before. His excuse for not telling her before the wedding was that he presumed she wouldn’t be able to accept it and would ultimately call off the wedding. She’d never seen him cry before, so she put her feelings aside to comfort him. The fact that he identified as bisexual didn’t really bother her but the secrecy did. Turns out, that was only the beginning.

She compares herself to other women and other men.

As unhealthy as it is, it’s quite common for women to compare ourselves to other women. It’s too easy to feel inadequate next to a woman who’s thinner, more beautiful, or has better hair. I’m certain our guys don’t even notice these things, but that doesn’t make it any easier to stop comparing ourselves. When it comes to comparing ourselves to a guy, however, there’s no real basis for it and it makes things a whole lot more confusing and frustrating.

She never knows who he’s checking out.

 It’s only natural to appreciate an attractive person, no matter of sexual preference or relationship stability. However, it’s become a problem for her self-worth since she’s never sure who her husband is checking out. Does he wish he was with a man? He’s reassured her numerous times that it’s her he wants and that he doesn’t feel like he’s missing out on anything, but she still feels insecure.

She just doesn’t like thinking about him with other people.

No matter how open or liberal we are, we all have our boundaries and this is a hard pill for her to swallow. She’s uncomfortable with the fact that he’s been with other men just in the same way that if I think too much about my boyfriend being with his exes, it grosses me out too. The only difference is that she’ll be worried he’ll change his mind about being with a woman for the rest of their lives.

She just wants vanilla sex.

 Whether this is related or not, he likes to be experimental in bed. He always wants to use toys, particularly phallic shaped ones, and he loves to wear thongs on a daily basis. Coupled with his bisexuality, it makes her terrified that one day he’ll announce he’s actually gay. She comes from a conservative background and doesn’t see any issue with keeping sex free of bells and whistles, while he’s the complete opposite, always wanting to experiment and constantly buying new toys for them to try. Are the toys a replacement for something he feels is lacking in the sex department or does he simply want to give her as much pleasure as possible? It’s a constant battle in her head.

He’s also a naturist.

By two years into their marriage, she was feeling more secure about his bisexuality… and then he threw another curveball. He also practices naturism, meaning all those camping trips he took with his male best friend were actually spent in the buff. A naturist park is pretty much like any other park—you can camp, you can swim, play tennis, eat at restaurants. etc. The difference is that it’s mandatory for everyone to be naked. It’s another side of his liberal thinking she wasn’t privy to, but like the amazing woman she is, she rallied up and started to go with him even though it was extremely hard for her.

She gives him an inch, he takes a mile.

She’s on board with the bisexuality and the naturism and now he wants to have regular nude photographs of himself taken with a local photographer he’s found. The photographer needs models for his portfolio and her husband wants to express himself but she understandably doesn’t want everyone on his social media feed to see him posing naked. He’s even set up an online modeling portfolio for himself under a pseudonym! He wants full-frontal images and close-ups of his junk, which she is simply not comfortable with.

He wants to be involved in every march.

Every time there’s a bisexual march, gay pride event or parade, he wants to be at the heart of it. He feels strongly that he had to hide his true sexuality and still does from his family, so it’s his chance to express himself and talk to others who identify as part of the community. For her, it’s just a constant reminder that he failed to tell her the truth before they both made a life-long commitment to each other. She wants him to feel free to be himself, but not at the cost of their marriage.

She’s starting to resent him.

She wants to be over it. She wants to be OK with his life choices, but even years down the line, it still plays on her mind thanks to him constantly bringing it up in conversation. He tells everyone he meets like it’s something they need to know right off the bat. Maybe he’s making up for not telling her right away, but does John next door really need to know about his sexuality?

It’s tainted their other arguments.

Because she can’t let it go, she uses it against him in all their other fights. Any time they have to compromise on the big stuff like where they’re going to live or when to start having babies, she feels he should be the one to take the biggest hit as she’s already had to overcome the biggest issue she can imagine. None of this is healthy and because she can’t let it go, it’s basically eating her up inside. I believe he loves her to the bone and he’s definitely not a bad guy. He’s just made some bad decisions and hopefully, over time, they’ll be able to resolve it. The moral of the story? Be honest from the start!

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