Inspired by the word hypochondriac, a hypoloveriac is someone who thinks that their relationship is sinking or about to hit an iceberg even though in there’s nothing wrong with it. Here are 12 signs you might have this dating condition.
You google all your “symptoms.” If you’re worried that your partner might be cheating or that he’s changed his mind about you, you head over to trusty Google to check out what’s been written about the subject. Then you convince yourself that your partner’s showing all those signs even if he isn’t.
Your partner can’t reassure you enough. When your partner shows you clear evidence that he’s not going to hurt you by being consistent with his messages and clear about his intentions, it still does nothing to make you feel that everything’s OK in your relationship. There’s just no reassuring you.
You jump the gun. Little things that your partner does can make you go into full-blown panic mode. For example, when he mentions a colleague twice in one week, you might think that something’s going on with them. Or, when he takes one raincheck on your date, you might immediately panic that he’s over you and doesn’t want to be with you anymore. It’s exhausting to imagine the worst case scenario every single time. It’s like there’s always relationship armageddon in your mind!
You talk about your relationship worries all the time. When you and your BFFs get together, instead of chatting about lighter topics, you rush straight into the fears you have about your relationship. You can talk about these for days, even if everyone reassures you that your relationship is strong. It’s probably a way for you to reassure yourself, but the catch is that it never does. Your thoughts go round and round in a loop.
You compare your relationship to your friends’. This is dangerous and damaging territory. You might do this because it helps you “screen” your relationship for problems. For example, if your friend and her BF have sex three times a week but you and your partner only have it once a week, this comparison can make you worry unnecessarily that your relationship isn’t quite where it should be. See how bad that can make you feel? You won’t be enjoying sex or your relationship by thinking the grass is greener on the other side.
You have trust issues. It’s easy to expect people you date to break your heart if you’ve been mistreated in the past and those experiences have given you major trust issues. But it’s also irrational to expect that every single person you date is going to hurt you in some way. Sadly, you can’t seem to view them for who they really are. You’re always expecting them to turn toxic on you sooner or later.
You’re incredibly cynical. When you start dating someone, you’re cynical about the relationship and love in general. Maybe this is tied in with your dating baggage or your trust issues. Either way, you find yourself waiting for the shoe to drop so much that it becomes obsessive. You might wonder why you even bother dating if you’re so jaded about love, but that’s the interesting bit: you want to find love but then you end up trying to confirm your suspicions that love sucks. It’s quite a vicious circle.
You play the bad cop. You don’t give people a chance to show you who they are because you’re always creating stories about them without having all the info you need to make a judgment. When your boyfriend says he’s had commitment issues in the past, you assume he’s going to be unable to commit to you. When you meet someone new and they’re not that open about their family or career right away, you immediately think that’s a red flag and you write them off. Ouch! You might think you’re trying to protect yourself, but you’re actually hurting yourself.
You’re always anxious. You can’t really chill and enjoy the relationship if you’re always anxious that the person you’re dating is going to hurt you. This can totally sabotage things and, more importantly, it can harm your mental and emotional wellbeing. If only you knew how to stop…
You can’t bear to watch romcoms without happy endings. Same goes for reality shows about failed relationships. You just can’t bear to watch them because they set off your anxious thoughts. You start worrying that you have the same relationship problems as the people in the shows. This is similar to how a hypochondriac will avoid watching medical dramas or documentaries because it makes them take on all the symptoms they see.
Your gut’s out of whack. Listening to your gut is essential to keep you out of unhealthy relationships. You might be convinced that your intuition’s trying to tell you that your partner’s no good, but the catch is that stressing and/or feeling anxious so much can actually mess with your intuition by clouding it so that you don’t really know if that paranoid feeling is your gut or your anxiety. Ugh!
You leave the relationship before your partner can. You might blame your partner for things they haven’t done or become distant from them because you’re so afraid of rejection. This can even cause you to break their hearts before they can hurt you, but the result is that you end up sabotaging or ending potentially great relationships.
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