I Accidentally Dated A Drug Dealer And It’s As Crazy As It Sounds

Part of a relationship is getting to know who your partner truly is, but my discovery process led to me uncovering some pretty unwelcome information: my ex was a drug dealer and I had no idea.

1. We met online and hit it off. I only dated this man for six months, but they were certainly a whirlwind. We met on a dating site and decided to meet up. After a coffee date that turned into seven hours of talking, laughing, and connecting, I was hooked. He was a quiet bookworm who challenged my crass, loud personality. I enjoyed how gentle he seemed.
2. I started hanging out at his house. Looking back now, I realize a lot of glaring red flags, but hindsight is 20/20 and I didn’t question it in the moment. Most of my willful ignorance was due to the way he looked. He wasn’t a large, scary manly man who seemed intimidating; he looked like a cute nerd with a goofy smile and a heart of gold. So when he’d wake up and go to the door multiple times at night, I just thought he led a weird but active social life. He told me it was just friends who didn’t have social norms down and would ask for stuff at all hours of the night. I assumed the strong smell of Febreze every time I came into the apartment was just a thoughtful gesture on my behalf. The money he had lying around was just due to him working two jobs, like he told me. I know, I know…
3. I eventually discovered the truth. One night, after the doorbell rang several times in the middle of the night and his phone kept buzzing like mad, I got fed up. It wasn’t often that I slept over, but when I did, I never got any sleep. I got up and walked to the door when someone knocked and my ex freaked out, leading me to question what was really going on.  Flinging the door open, I was greeted by an unfamiliar and large man who looked at me and asked where my ex was since he “needed his stuff.” I turned to look at my ex, who avoided my gaze as he pulled multiple baggies of drugs out of his back pocket and handed it to the man in exchange for money. I was now fully aware of what was happening.
4. To be honest, I had no idea just how involved in this world he truly was. Was he selling to a few friends or was this a citywide drug house? He never told me how deep he was in it. How had I never noticed all the inconsistencies? I wanted to leave right then and there, but it was one o’clock in the morning and the walk back to my apartment wasn’t safe. I slept on the couch, full of confusion and denial. The more I thought about it, the more I calmed down. Everyone makes mistakes, right? We were only 18 and he didn’t really mean to hurt me like this, right?
5. He apologized and I caved in like an idiot. I won’t lie, I had some of my own issues that stemmed from being extremely insecure. I didn’t feel I would ever get another boyfriend, so when he came crawling back and apologized sincerely, I did the stupidest thing I’ve ever done: I forgave him and started doing drugs with him. As a young, dumb 18-year-old just barely in college, I was angry at what he had done but I didn’t want to lose him. I placed everything below him and started down a seriously ugly path. I figured this was my hand in life, and this was the man I would be with forever, so I just had to deal with it. Ugh.
6. I started doing drugs to keep up with him and a month later, he broke up with me. I was lucky. My ex did care for me and saw that I was doing drugs largely for his benefit. I enjoyed the feel of the high, I didn’t want to be stressed from studies and I stupidly wanted to stay with my ex. I studied to be a teacher completely stoned for a month before my ex left me at my apartment and told me he wouldn’t see me again for my own sake. He told me I deserved more than this life he was giving me and that he refused to screw me up any more than he already had. He cared about my well-being. We never spoke again.
7. Being left was the best thing that could have happened. I see now how much of a gift he gave me. The day he left me, I vowed to not touch drugs again and remained true to myself. It was hard but ultimately worth it. My grades improved and I got into therapy to understand how I let myself get into this situation in the first place. My thinking was dangerous and my insecurities were so deep I was willing to settle for being the girlfriend of a drug dealer. Clearly, I needed to work on my self-worth. I found out my ex was a pretty well-known dealer in the state but I haven’t heard from him since. I wonder every now and then what he’s up to, but I’m so grateful he let me go.