When it comes to having sex for the first time with a new partner, I always ask him how many people they have slept with in the past. You might think that this question is a bit intrusive or even irrelevant, but I won’t let a new guy stick his P in my V until I have an answer. Here’s why.
- It’s the principle of the matter. For all of you that think this question is intrusive, I have one answer: vaginal penetrative sex is basically the definition of intrusive! Before I let someone in, I want to glean a little bit of information about them, that’s all. In fact, I think I’m entitled to at least ask the question.
- It’s not that big of a deal to ask. I’m not asking for his social security number! I’m merely asking about his sexual history which seems directly relevant to his sexual future, especially if it involves me and my body parts.
- I like to put them on the spot to see how they will respond. I’ll be honest and admit this is a huge reason why I ask this question. For some reason, asking about the number of sexual partners someone has is still really taboo, so I do my part and try to break that down. I like to see how a guy will respond to a sort of intrusive question, especially if he’s the type of dude to act like they are always super calm and collected.
- The more sexual partners, the higher the risk of contracting an STI. Generally speaking, I’m going to ask a guy about his STI status and when he was last tested anyway. In return, I will also voluntarily share that information. Additionally, I want to know how many people a dude has slept with because a high number of sexual partners increases the risk of contracting an STI. This kind of information may change when I decide to engage sexually with someone. For example, if a guy tells me he’s slept around a lot in his past but claims to have recently been tested, I still might ask him to get tested again anyway before he sleeps with me. I’m just trying to be cautious. Can you fault me for that?
- The number tells me a lot about his relationship tendencies. I don’t necessarily have a problem with the number of sexual partners. Instead, it’s what the number of partners says about a guy’s dating past that I’m interested in. A dude who has had 20 partners and is not yet 30 years old strikes me as someone who is not that interested in long-term relationships. Or, maybe he racked up a ton of partners between relationships which still gives me pause about the type of person he is because he can easily sleep around with tons of people after being monogamous for a while.
- I’m not the type to sleep around. If I choose to sleep with someone, chances are I’m interested in developing a relationship with him, so I need all the information I can get before I spread my legs. If he reveals that he’s had a ton of sexual partners, that suggests to me that he might not be around very long and just wants a casual hookup.
- I get the opportunity to learn about his sexual experiences. Talking about previous sexual partners is a really great icebreaker because people have such interesting sexual experiences! After asking the “how many people have you slept with?” question, I can easily transition into the “what is the craziest thing you’ve done with a sexual partner?” question. You’d be surprised how much you can learn about someone’s sexual preferences, whether they are adventurous or reserved in the bedroom and their experience levels.
- It promotes honesty and trust between us. When I start sharing my body with someone sexually, it is really important that we establish a foundation of honesty since I’m not a one-night stand type of girl. Like many women, I am the type to get at little bit attached after I sleep with a guy that I’m really into for the first time. As I’m building trust with that person I don’t want to feel like he’s hiding things from me or isn’t telling me things. Asking about the number of sexual partners he’s had is one way that I can start creating building trust and promoting honesty which is essential to building a healthy relationship.
- I have to be careful not to judge someone by their number. The truth is that there are limits to what this number will tell me about a dude and I have to consistently remember that. It’s definitely useful, but at the same time, it’s reckless to look at someone and be like wow you’ve had a ton of sexual partners, here is what that says about you. Even though I won’t stop asking about someone’s number, I definitely realize that it is only one of many questions that are important to me before sleeping with someone new.