I wish I could have a committed relationship with no commitment. I know it sounds unreasonable but it’s not as crazy as it sounds: there are certain times when I wish I had a serious partner and others when I couldn’t be happier being single and I don’t know how to choose between the two.
- I love having someone to talk to all the time. Who wants to constantly talk and text with you more than your own boyfriend? I love having that one person who I can bother with little tidbits about my day. It feels great to have a partner that’s always happy to listen, and I love that kind of closeness you get from a serious relationship, I just… don’t really want a serious relationship, if that makes sense.
- However, my freedom is very important to me. I thrive on independence and sometimes I just want to be by myself. I don’t want to spend time with someone because I feel obligated to, but sometimes explaining that can sound hurtful. My independence has even ruined one of my relationships before—my exes just couldn’t understand why I wanted to do more things by myself than as a couple, and I don’t feel like I should have to explain that.
- On nights I stay in alone, I feel like I’m missing out. Don’t get me wrong, I love my alone time, but sometimes when I have a night in by myself, I get serious FOMO. When my friends are out without me, I feel like a potentially amazing night is happening and I’m missing it. But when I’m in a relationship and spend the night in with my boyfriend, I love it sometimes even more than going out. It’s so refreshing and makes me feel that much more mature.
- However, when I’m single, I can do whatever I want when I go out. Going out with friends is fun, but when you’re the only one in a relationship, it can suck—especially when your friends all leave to chase after guys. That’s when I’d rather be single. I love the mystery of not knowing where my night out with friends will take me. Will I meet up with the cute guy from the gym? Dance with a random stranger? Crash alone on my couch with a box of Cheez-Its? I don’t know, but having endless options empowers me.
- I crave the feeling of being completely comfortable with someone. To me, nothing feels more intimate than being able to be your complete self in front of someone. It takes a long time to get to that point and it’s hard work. Unfortunately, I hate the commitment that comes with trying to build to that level with a partner. If it doesn’t work out, all that work can feel like a waste.
- I’ll admit, I’m more than a little afraid of a serious relationship. Commitment scares the crap out of me. I’ve been hurt in the past and I’m scared of getting myself hurt again. I’ll pretty much do anything in my power to avoid pain. If I just stick to casual dating, there’s no chance of heartbreak!
- At the same time, rejection sucks. When you’re single and dating around, it’s hard to tell what the other person is looking for. There’s so much guessing and analyzing involved. That back and forth game of “does he like me or is he looking for something else?” can get pretty tiring. In a committed relationship, the feeling of knowing I’m wanted is amazing. I never have to wonder if he likes me or wants what I want, and no feeling rejected!
- The feeling of depending on someone sounds awful to me. In a relationship, I’m someone who tends to get very attached. Trust me, this doesn’t mix well with my need for independence. I hate feeling like I have to depend on someone, so it’s just easier to avoid that stage altogether.
- Even when I’m with someone, I love flirting with other guys. It’s not like my relationship isn’t fulfilling enough, I just can’t help but flirt with other guys when I go out. The attention is fun and I like playing the chasing game every once in a while. It seems harmless to me, though I’m scared one day I might take it too far. On the other hand, I would hate it if my boyfriend did the same thing. I know, I know, I need help.