1. “Walking Away From My Family Was Brutal, But Absolutely Necessary.”
Part of the “As Told to Bolde” series. Have a story to share? Contact [email protected]
Meet Laura, 38. She shares how today’s deep political divide literally hit home.
“I never imagined politics could tear my family apart. We’ve always disagreed, but it never felt as heavy, urgent, or distressing as now. America has become so divided that it’s impossible to have opposing views and still have any respect for, let alone a close relationship with, someone on the other side. I know that sounds dramatic, but this is the sad reality.
“Cutting them off wasn’t easy, but I had to do it for my sanity and to have conviction in my beliefs. I miss them, and it’s a sad situation, but being around them and hearing what I consider ignorant, ill-informed, and toxic beliefs is not something I can swallow. And as much as I have tried to reason and use cold, hard facts to explain the truth, they stick to their warped version of what’s happening. I hope there is a path forward for our family and so many others in the U.S. right now in the same position.”—Laura Bennett, Portland.
Continue reading about navigating family estrangement and the importance of setting boundaries>>
2. They Bring Up Politics To Start A Fight, Not A Conversation
Some family members don’t want a productive discussion—they want an argument. They bring up controversial topics at the worst moments, not because they’re curious about your perspective, but because they enjoy the drama. These conversations don’t lead to understanding; they lead to shouting matches, resentment, and ruined holidays. Better Health Channel explains that unresolved family conflicts often escalate when individuals focus on proving themselves right rather than fostering understanding, leading to emotional distance and resentment.
There’s a difference between a respectful exchange of ideas and a deliberate attempt to bait someone into a fight. If every interaction turns into a battle where they refuse to listen, it’s completely valid to stop engaging.
3. They Call You ‘Brainwashed’ But Get Their News From Facebook Memes
Nothing is more frustrating than being accused of “not thinking for yourself” by someone who blindly parrots whatever talking points they saw in a poorly designed meme. These family members dismiss credible sources, reject evidence, and instead rely on social media misinformation to back up their views. HelpGuide highlights that dealing with misinformation in family relationships requires empathy and understanding, but sometimes walking away is the healthiest option when logic fails to resolve disputes.
You can try to present facts, but it often doesn’t matter. When someone is more invested in feeling right than in learning the truth, no amount of logic will change their mind. At a certain point, it’s better to walk away than waste energy debating someone who refuses to engage with reality.
4. Every Holiday Feels Like A Battleground Instead Of A Gathering
Holidays should be about connection and tradition, but for many, they’ve become emotionally exhausting war zones. Instead of catching up and celebrating, every gathering turns into a tense standoff where you brace yourself for the inevitable political outburst. Conway Housing suggests that maintaining calm tones and avoiding shouting during discussions can prevent family gatherings from turning into emotionally exhausting battlegrounds.
If you find yourself dreading family events because you know you’ll be cornered into another debate, that’s a sign it’s not worth it anymore. No one should have to spend their holidays feeling attacked in their own family.
5. They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries—And Mock You For Setting Them
Setting boundaries is a basic part of any healthy relationship. But when you tell family members you don’t want to discuss politics, they ignore your request—or worse, mock you for being “too sensitive.” They refuse to respect your limits because they think their right to say whatever they want outweighs your right to protect your peace. Positive Psychology emphasizes that setting clear boundaries and expressing intentions respectfully can help reduce conflict and protect personal peace in family relationships.
Boundaries exist for a reason. If someone consistently refuses to honor them, you’re under no obligation to keep engaging. It’s not about shutting people out—it’s about protecting yourself from conversations that only bring stress and frustration.
6. They Think Disagreeing With Them Means You’re ‘Turning Against The Family’
For some people, family loyalty means unconditional agreement. The second you challenge their views, they act like you’ve betrayed them, ignoring the fact that you’re still the same person—you just have a different perspective.
A healthy family dynamic allows for differences without making love conditional. If your relatives only accept you when you align with their beliefs, then what they value isn’t family—it’s obedience.
7. You Dread Their Phone Calls Because You Know It’ll Turn Into A Lecture
What should be a simple check-in quickly spirals into a rant about politics, society, or why your generation is “too sensitive.” Before you know it, you’re trapped in yet another exhausting, one-sided conversation where you’re expected to listen but never challenge.
At some point, you stop answering the phone. You realize that these interactions don’t leave you feeling loved or connected—they just drain you. And that’s not what family is supposed to feel like.
8. They Casually Dehumanize Groups Of People And Expect You To Laugh Along
Casual racism, sexism, or homophobia gets brushed off as “just a joke.” They expect you to either laugh along or stay silent, and if you push back, you’re accused of being “too sensitive.” It’s not a joke if it’s at the expense of someone’s dignity.
You shouldn’t have to tolerate offensive comments just to keep the peace. Staying silent only enables the behavior, and if they refuse to acknowledge why it’s hurtful, that’s on them—not you.
9. They Weaponize ‘Family Loyalty’ To Excuse Their Beliefs
“We’re family” gets thrown around as a way to excuse hurtful behavior. They expect unconditional acceptance of their views, but they’re unwilling to offer the same respect in return.
Family loyalty shouldn’t mean sacrificing your values. If they can’t respect who you are, then walking away isn’t a betrayal—it’s an act of self-preservation.
10. They Act Like Your Political Views Are Just A ‘Phase’ You’ll Grow Out Of
Rather than taking your beliefs seriously, they talk down to you like you’re a rebellious teenager who will “come to your senses” eventually. They refuse to engage with your perspective because they assume it’s temporary.
This kind of dismissal is frustrating and condescending. You don’t need their approval to have independent thoughts, and you certainly don’t have to stick around while they belittle your worldview.
11. They Bring Up The Same Tired Arguments No Matter How Many Times You’ve Shut Them Down
No matter how many times you’ve debunked their claims or explained your point of view, they keep bringing up the same recycled arguments. It’s not about learning or growing—it’s about exhausting you until you stop fighting back.
If they refuse to engage in good faith, you’re not obligated to keep the conversation going. Sometimes, the healthiest thing you can do is walk away.
12. They Treat You Differently (Or Cut You Off) The Second You Stop Agreeing With Them
The moment you stop aligning with their views, they pull away or start treating you with hostility. You realize that their love was conditional all along—it was never about family, but about compliance.
If someone’s love for you is based on your political alignment rather than mutual respect, then losing that relationship isn’t really a loss at all.
