I Don’t Trust My Boyfriend: Why You’re Struggling And How To Fix It

You’ve heard it said a million times and it’s true: you can’t have a successful relationship without trust. It’s important to be able to rely on the knowledge that your partner will always be there for you and have your best interest at heart and that they’ll never betray you or do something to deliberately hurt you. If you don’t trust your boyfriend and can’t figure out why, here’s what may be happening. The sooner you know, the sooner you can fix it.

  1. You’ve been betrayed in the past. It makes sense that if you gave an ex your trust and they betrayed it in some way, whether by cheating on you, breaking a promise, abandoning you, or any other number of ways you can be screwed over, it makes sense that you wouldn’t trust your current boyfriend. You feel that since this happened to you before, it’s pretty much guaranteed to happen again. However, that’s not always the case and deep down, you know it. After all, if you truly believed this guy was going to hurt you, why would you be with him to begin with?
  2. You’re afraid of getting hurt. It’s hard to trust your boyfriend (or anyone, for that matter) when you’re terrified of getting hurt. This is likely a consequence of the aforementioned past betrayal. You know how much it killed you inside and broke your heart when your trust was broken before and you really don’t want to go back to such a dark place again. That’s fair, of course, but if you truly want to experience real, lasting love and a healthy relationship, you have to work through this so that you can trust again.
  3. You’re up to no good yourself and assume he’s doing the same. Real talk: if you know you can’t be trusted, you sure as hell aren’t going to trust your boyfriend. If you’re a cheater, liar, player, or otherwise doing something behind his back, you’re more likely to assume that he’s doing the same. Perhaps you’re doing it because you’re convinced he is and it’s a tit for tat thing. Either way, this is a toxic mess and it needs to stop.
  4. He hasn’t fully let you in. The best way to develop trust with someone is by slowly but surely letting them in to see the real you. If your boyfriend has been hesitant to truly delve deep and has stuck to largely surface-level stuff with you, not only is your relationship going to lack emotional fulfillment but you’re way less likely to be able to trust him. There’s too much unknown there, and that means he’s unpredictable. Try to get him to open up and let him know how important that is to you. It may be as simple as having a few deep conversations to put you at ease.
  5. He’s cheated in past relationships. Maybe you weren’t screwed over in your past relationships but your current boyfriend has been open about his past infidelities. He probably swears that it was a one-off and that his relationship with you is different, and he may even be telling the truth, but that kind of admission is enough to make anyone doubt. See if the two of you can work through this. If this is something you truly can’t get past, it may be time to end the relationship.
Jennifer has been the managing editor of Bolde since its launch in 2014. Before that, she was the founding editor of HelloGiggles and also worked as an entertainment writer for Bustle and Digital Spy. Her work has been published in Bon Appetit, Decider, Vanity Fair, The New York TImes, and many more.