I Finally Found Love & I’m Seriously Freaking Out About It

I Finally Found Love & I’m Seriously Freaking Out About It ©iStock/ArthurHidden

I used to think that once I found love, everything would make a whole lot more sense, but it’s not really that simple. Even now that I’ve found a guy I’m crazy about, there’s an inherent anxiety that comes with this new relationship, and honestly, I’m kind of freaking out about it.

  1. This is just your normal game, anxiety. I’ve been on this earth for over 30 years and you’ve been with me every step of the way. I know how you operate by now. I know that your primary function is to make me question everything I value, and you don’t like allowing me to enjoy anything, but I’m trying really hard to ignore you in this circumstance.
  2. I know that this love is real, so just shut up. You’ve always done a terrific job of making me worry about things that didn’t actually require concern, but it’s not going to work this time. I know that the love I’ve found is real, and I refuse to allow you to convince me otherwise. Anxiety, you’ve always been my constant companion but you’re not going to replace this wonderful man who is my actual companion.
  3. I do have trust issues, but I trust him. In the past, you’ve always been able to use my trust issues to make me question everything and everyone I come across. I know why that worked, but it’s not going to work this time. Despite my trust issues, I’m with someone who has gained my trust and that says a lot about his character. He deserves to be trusted, and I deserve to be able to trust someone.
  4. Yes, I know that there’s still a risk of getting hurt. Believe me, that fear hasn’t gone away. The fact is, I’ve assessed the situation and determined that this relationship is worth it because the reward is so much greater than the risk. If I do get hurt, you can go ahead and say “I told you so,” while my heart breaks yet again. I’m okay with taking a chance this time, because I have to know where this road goes.
  5. I don’t want to be protected from something good. From your perspective, I know that no person or situation is inherently good, but I don’t want to live in that world of perpetual cynicism anymore. My gut is telling me that this is a good situation with a legitimately good person, and I want to believe that there is some positivity left in the world.
  6. Love feels amazing; you don’t. I’ve felt you my entire life, anxiety, and it hasn’t been a pleasant experience. Love, on the other hand, feels absolutely amazing. While I know it’s impossible to make you go away entirely, I’ll use every ounce of my free will to choose love over you because love makes me happy.
  7. I’m sorry, but I have to break up with you. Anxiety, we’ve been together for over 30 years and I’m sure you have helped me steer clear of some bad situations, but this is a different scenario. This time, I know that you’re just being irrational and I won’t allow you to come between me and my happiness. Therefore, I have no choice but to break up with you. I know you’ll still be hanging around, desperately attempting to woo me back, but I’ve made my decision. You and I are over, so please go stalk someone else.
Anna Martin Yonk is a freelance writer and blogger in sunny North Carolina. She loves hanging out with her goofy husband and two rescue dogs and can be found at the beach with a drink in hand whenever possible. You can find her on Instagram @mrsyonkdogmom or on her Facebook page.