When you really love someone, it’s normal to want to go above and beyond to make them happy. In healthy relationships, both people will put in an effort and do whatever they can to make each other happy but sometimes, one person takes advantage of the other. I was once involved with a guy who gave me nothing when I gave him everything. Let’s just say it changed me, and not necessarily in a good way.
- I got used to settling for crumbs. I fell super hard, super fast for a guy who saw my feelings as an opportunity to get whatever he wanted. I didn’t notice it at first. I simply thought that I was showing someone that I cared about just how much they meant to me by bending over backward to make them happy. After a while, though, I got used to going above and beyond while he did nothing for me in return. I got used to settling for so little that when he did happen to do something slightly considerate, I’d put him on a pedestal. It really messed with my self-esteem.
- I sacrificed everything that was important to me. I wish it had stopped with me doing all kinds of favors for him but unfortunately, it was worse. I started giving up all of the things that mattered to me in my life if it conflicted with something he wanted or needed. I’d blow off my friends and events that I’d wanted to attend just so that I could be available at his beck and call. It’s embarrassing to think about now but at the time, I really didn’t see why it was wrong and was simply blinded by love.
- He made my self-worth plummet. After a while, my self-worth really started to diminish and I lost sight of who I actually was. I felt like my only purpose was to make him happy and if I couldn’t do that I was a failure. It sounds so pathetic now but when you really care about someone and are completely consumed by them, it’s easy to fall into a trap of sacrificing everything for them and using that to determine your worth.
- I was afraid of losing him. After some time, I started to realize that I couldn’t live like this forever and I was getting dangerously close to total burnout. I was terrified to change up the routine though because I thought he might get angry and leave me. I was so afraid of losing a guy who honestly didn’t even deserve me that I compromised everything about myself to try to keep him. Cringe.
- I started to resent him. Once I started to fully comprehend the things that I was doing, I didn’t have the confidence to completely stop yet but I did start to resent him for always expecting everything from me and never reciprocating. It started to really hit me that our relationship was completely one-sided and then I started seeing that I wasn’t really getting anything from him at all.
- I got really angry. After the resentment came, the anger started to build. I started to get really mad that I did all the work and put in all of the efforts but I never received anything in return. The anger was the beginning of gaining the strength to walk away from a toxic situation.
- I felt defeated but empowered. It was amazing to finally be able to walk away and accept the ending of that relationship that had once meant so much to me. It was painful and shameful when I was able to take a step back and see it for what it really was but, it also gave me a newfound power and confidence. Now that I had been through this, I would know how to spot the sign early on should it ever happen again, and then I could avoid another situation like this.
- It ultimately made me stronger. It’s hard to say if I’m grateful that this relationship happened because I do believe that it was ultimately a waste of my time. However, I didn’t walk away totally empty-handed. I learned a lot about myself and about other people as well. People can be deceptive and selfish and if someone is using you or taking you for granted, there’s no reason to stay with them.
- I’ll never settle for that again. Now that I’ve been in that kind of relationship, I know what I would never put up with again. Everyone deserves a partner who gives as well as takes and who puts in their share of the effort and work into the relationship. If you ever find yourself in a situation similar to the one I was in and feel as if your partner is taking you for granted, I encourage you to step back and really look at the relationship you have with this person to determine if it’s real love or if you’ve been lied to. You deserve someone amazing who will always make you feel loved and appreciated and you should never settle for anything less.
