A few years ago, I had the wonderful opportunity to sleep with three very close people in my life at the same time. My boyfriend and I were invited to dinner with another couple and one thing kind of led to another, ending with us all in bed together. It was an amazing experience and with the right people, it’s something I’d highly recommend to those so inclined.
We shared the experience with trusted friends. Having a foursome with my boyfriend, his best friend and his best friend’s girlfriend was such a unique experience. This was the most important factor for me—that I shared this new experience with people I knew and trusted deeply. It gave me a huge sense of safety and made the whole thing possible.
It was totally spontaneous. One moment we were having a nice polite dinner, the next moment I was blurting out, “How do you guys feel about having group sex?” It was a move made entirely on impulse—my boyfriend and I hadn’t even talked about it—and it really could have gone either way. Happily, it was one of those risks that just works out and everyone nervously and excitedly expressed their interest.
It was exhilarating. After a short, slightly awkward interlude, we were literally grabbing each other’s hands and running to the bedroom. It was like a scene from a movie except it was somehow happening to me and that seemed insane. My heart was racing as we jumped into bed together in such an unexpected scenario. It was way outside the goings-on of my normal life and I loved that I’d found myself in such an exciting situation.
Strangely, there was no jealousy. Watching my boyfriend with another woman is not something I ever thought I’d do. I struggled with a lot of jealousy issues in that relationship and the thought of my boyfriend sleeping with someone else made my stomach turn. Somehow, though, when it was happening right in front of me there was none of that happening, only the wonderful feeling of sharing a fascinating new dynamic together. I literally saw my partner having sex with someone else and jealousy just wasn’t a part of it.
It opened us up to non-monogamy. Having such a jealousy-free experience totally changed my outlook on sex and free love, and this was the starting point of non-monogamy for my boyfriend and I. My ideas about relationship structures had been tested and over the next few years I opened up more and more, eventually holding polyamorous relationships as a norm. This experience was the gateway to an entirely new way of understanding sexual and romantic connections.
Throughout the whole thing, there was so much care and love. Because we were such close friends, we made sure to look after each other. I knew that no matter what happened, we all cared about each other beyond just having a sexual encounter and that made the foursome so much smoother during and after. Without this level of love and care, I don’t think I would have felt so safe and carefree.
We checked in on each other a lot afterward. In the days following, we all talked a lot about how everyone was feeling. Specifically, the other woman and I spent a lot of time connecting and talking through some of our insecurities and doubts. It was such an important part of the process, knowing that we were there for each other in a very real way.
We worked through issues as a group. In the aftermath of such an intense and unexpected experience, a few topics came up that required us all to support each other. It was an amazing experience in communal nurturance, knowing that we were really in it together. It might have been easy for each couple to retreat into a private bubble to deal with issues. I’m so happy that that wasn’t the case here.
It strengthened our friendship. It was crazy to have shared such an intimate and exciting experience with people who were part of my day-to-day life. We were suddenly bonded by a secret and it made our friendship so much closer. Suddenly we weren’t just friends, we were all lovers and we’d shared something special that no-one else had access to. We also knew that when it really came down to it, we were there for each other, no matter what.
We liked it so much we did it a few more times. Buoyed by the excitement of that first night, we met a few more times for the same kind of debauchery alongside our regular friendships. Every time was unique and enthralling and made foursomes a regular fantasy of mine. Eventually, the other couple moved away, putting an end to that chapter of our friendship, but for me, group sex is something I’d love to explore again, with the right people.
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