I Have A “Masculine Energy” And A Lot Of Guys Can’t Handle It

I feel like in straight relationships, women typically display the more receptive, quiet feminine energy while the guy has the more forward-moving, masculine energy. This isn’t the case for me. I’m actually super masculine and my dating life is way more complicated because of it.

  1. It’s a big part of who I am. Ever since I can remember, I’ve been a little bit boyish. I never like to wear dresses, I still don’t wear a lot of makeup, sure, but I also tend to be more driven by logic than emotions, which is a major trait in someone with masculine energy. A lot of guys are driven away by that but surprisingly, the more sensitive, emotional guys seem to be able to handle it.
  2. I’ve always been ambitious and driven in every area of my life. They say that masculine energy is “forward-moving” and “goal-oriented” and that’s definitely me. Whatever situation I’m in, I always have an end goal in mind. I can’t just lay on the beach all day, I have to be doing something productive all the time, otherwise, I go crazy. There has to be a point to whatever I’m doing. I can never just sit back and enjoy the moment and it can be pretty annoying to the guys I date.
  3. I’m smart and want to express it. I’ll challenge guys intellectually all the time because, well, I know a lot of stuff. I read a lot of books and listen to a lot of podcasts and I’m always filling my brain up with knowledge, so of course I’m gonna speak up and give my opinion on things, especially if it’s a topic I know a lot about. A lot of guys are unfortunately intimidated by my ability to debate and prove them wrong, which is why I only get along with highly intelligent guys.
  4. I feel like I’m competing with men all day at my job, and it’s hard to turn it off. When I’m at work, I’m constantly on guard, ready to prove myself to my male counterparts. It’s hard to just switch that off when work is over. I find that I bring that masculine, aggressive energy into the dating arena and it’s driving guys away, I just know it.
  5. I’m just the type of person who likes to lead. I’ve always been a leader. Ever since I was a kid, I’d be the one to get the group together and plan play dates. As an entrepreneur in my adult life, I love being the one in control of my work. I hate being told what to do and would much rather be the boss in any given circumstance. It’s even hard for me to follow in my ballroom dance class because I want to do what I want, not follow someone else.
  6. I’d rather talk than listen to someone. I’m a pretty good listener, but if I had the choice, I’d rather talk. Female energy is receptive and open while male energy tends to be direct and intense. I feel most like myself when I’m the one talking, coming up with ideas and leading the conversation rather than sitting and listening to someone for a whole evening. That can get super boring for me.
  7. I have a super loud voice. It’s kinda funny, but my friends have said that they get paranoid when they’re talking to me on a subway or bus because everyone can hear our conversation. I’m kind of a big presence without even trying. My voice is super loud—maybe too loud, according to some guys.
  8. I always end up with feminine guys. When I look back to most of my relationships, I’ve always been the stronger, more active presence. I know we’re no longer in the ’50s, thank God, but it’s not typical for the girl to be more traditionally masculine. Still, that’s just the role I tend to fall into. All of my ex-boyfriends have been sensitive and sort of quiet and now it all makes sense. I ended up with them because they needed my masculine energy to offset their feminine. Opposites attract, as they say.
  9. I’m really funny—maybe a little too funny? I can get pretty silly and sometimes I take over the whole conversation, which really intimidates a lot of guys. How can they possibly compete with my quick wit? I feel like oftentimes, they won’t talk to me because they’re afraid I’ll outsmart them. I can either consciously dumb myself down in order to seem more approachable or keep talking and just hope that there’s a guy out there who can match me in wits. Here’s hoping.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.