I Joined A Secret Orgy Group & It Became A Huge Part Of My Life

When a friend unexpectedly invited me to join a secret orgy group on Facebook, I couldn’t possibly have known what a massive part of my life it would become. Here’s how it informed many of my future experiences in sex.

1. I didn’t even know what the group was for at first. One day I got a notification telling me a friend had added me to a secret Facebook group. When I asked him what it was, he simply explained it was a group of friends who sometimes host secret parties where “anything could happen.” I was intrigued and excited at the prospect and I knew a lot of the people in the group so I stayed and decided to see what came of it.
2. A lot of the members were friends from the cuddle scene. Many of the friends in that group were people I’d cuddled with at purely platonic cuddle parties in the past. It was interesting to see that there was so much of a crossover between these two worlds and I felt much safer knowing that these people weren’t creepers but normal everyday people that happened to be open to sharing touch. Having already shared the intimate act of cuddling with a lot of them made it much easier to entertain the thought of attending a sex party with them.
3. The first party came around and I signed myself up. I’d never been to an orgy before but when the next one was scheduled, I knew I wanted to go. Giving my RSVP felt so exciting and I wondered how I’d been lucky enough to stumble upon such a surreal opportunity. I had no idea what to expect but figured if it was too much for me, I could just leave.
4. Everything developed naturally and it wasn’t awkward at all. It started just like many of the cuddle parties I’d attended—some mingling, some food, some platonic cuddling. Then the cuddling turned into naked cuddling, which turned into naked massage, which turned into oral sex and then there was just a pile of naked and semi-naked people at one end of the room and someone napping at the other end and a spectrum in between. It was a bizarre and wonderful experience to find myself in the middle of.
5. I became more and more involved in the orgy scene. After that first party, my social sphere shifted more towards that group of people. It was liberating to be with people who had no qualms talking about (and sharing) sexuality and I found many people who were practicing open relationships and BDSM—things I was very curious about myself. Many of my closest friends were part of that group and it started taking up a big part of my life.
6. The group kept growing, which made it even more enjoyable. Far from being a static entity, the orgy group kept gaining members as people thought of friends that might enjoy a little orgy every now and then (as happened in my case). The first party I went to had 18 guests while the last one was capped at 80 to maintain some semblance of intimacy in what had become a 250-strong group. It became a small community in and of itself, making it all that much easier to become absorbed in it.
7. We became a supportive friendship network. What started as four friends planning a sex party turned into a thriving community of sex-positive people all supporting each other. We branched out from just sharing sexuality and people began to use the group as a network. If you needed a plumber, you could ask the group and someone would fit the role. It was like a tiny society within our broader lives.
8. It was about 90% socializing and 10% sex. In between planned sex parties, we planned many other events more focused on socializing than sex. In the summer we had picnics, swimming, road trips and aquarium visits. In the winter we had sleepovers, discussion groups, and dinner parties. We were really a group of friends first and foremost. The sex was secondary.
9. Workshops were held by group members. Many members were passionate about different aspects of sexuality and there were often free workshops held by these people only for other members of the group. We learned about polyamory, massage, knife play, authentic communication, bondage, you name it. Being part of this group allowed me access to a world of knowledge that I couldn’t possibly have found by myself.
10. It helped me through some difficult times. As a total newbie to polyamory and BDSM, I was grateful to be surrounded by people more experienced than me. In times of doubt, I had other people to talk to, some of whom became personal mentors to me. Amongst all the hedonism and debauchery, I also found real solace and support when I struggled with these new parts of my life. I could never have predicted how valuable this group would be to me and I feel very lucky to have found it.