I Just Want To Cuddle With A Guy — Why Do They Always Make It Sexual?

I’m big on physical affection in relationships. When I’m dating someone, I love being hands-on and showing the guy how I feel by holding his hand, giving him a kiss, and having a little spoon. However, while I like cuddling as a romantic deed in and of itself, guys literally always turn it into something sexual and it’s driving me nuts.

  1. There’s more to physical closeness than sex. So many guys seem to think that cuddling in and of itself is a sexual thing. I’ve literally had guys tell me that they do it because they assume it’s a form of foreplay that will lead to them getting laid in the end. While I’m not arguing that there can be something really erotic about being physically close to the person you love, but it doesn’t always have to go that route.
  2. Sometimes I’m not horny, I just want to be held. What guys don’t seem to understand is that there are occasions when women don’t feel like boning. We literally just want to curl up in the arms of the guy we’re with. We want to feel safe, comfortable, and relaxed. That’s kind of hard to do when we’re enjoying the cuddling but the giant boner pushing into our backs turns it sexual.
  3. There’s no bigger turn-off than a guy who can’t control his libido. It’s nice to know a guy wants me, sure. But, at a certain point, it’d be nice to be adored rather than just lusted after. After a while, it’s not flattering anymore. When a guy can’t even watch a movie on the couch together without complaining about how I’m giving him blue balls or whatever, that’s a problem.. If sex was going to be on the cards, it’s certainly not anymore.
  4. If there’s no emotional closeness, I don’t want sexual closeness. I’m over the whole casual sex thing. I’ve been there and done that and I’m looking for something more. I enjoy sex as much as anyone else, but I don’t want it with a guy who thinks cuddling is “weird” or “lame” and prefers to jump straight to the sexual stuff. What a way to kill the mood.
  5. It makes me feel used and kind of cheap. Whenever a guy turns cuddling into something sexual (which is often), I feel kinda gross. It sends the message that he’s not as into me as he says he is. Instead, all he cares about is hopping into bed. He’s not interested in showing me affection or being romantic at all. Instead, I’m just an object to him. It’s a feeling that really sucks.
  6. I’m even willing to be the big spoon. I’m a modern woman. I know that sometimes men like being the little spoon too. I’m always open to that with the guys I date. While I like curling up in a man’s arms, I’m happy to wrap him up in mine so he can feel safe too. Sadly, most men aren’t comfortable enough with themselves to take me up on it. It’s like they think it’s a threat to their masculinity. I suppose it’s much more manly to turn cuddling into a sexual thing every time.
  7. Newsflash: cuddling is really good for you. This isn’t all for my benefit. As WebMD reveals, cuddling can increase heart health, reduce stress, relieve pain, boost your immune system, help you sleep, and increase your bond with your partner. What’s not to love about that? I’ve never left a proper cuddling session not feeling 100% amazing.
  8. If I want to cuddle with a guy, that’s a compliment. I’ve slept with guys that I didn’t really know or feel comfortable with before. However, if I’m initiating physical closeness like cuddling, that implies real intimacy. It means I feel connected to the guy and bonded to him in a way that I don’t with a lot of people. You would think guys would take this as a compliment. Instead, most seem to see it as a hindrance.
  9. We need to normalize physical affection for the sake of it. Sex is a great way to express your feelings for a partner. I’m not denying that. However, it’s just as effective to hold hands, give each other a quick peck, and cuddle fully clothed. I feel like women are already on board with this concept, but guys really aren’t. We need to do something to change that.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia