I Live In Fear Of Losing My Partner

Have you ever been so madly in love with someone that you’re terrified of losing them? That’s me. I know my relationship is solid and that what I have with my partner is real, but I can’t shake the feeling that something is going to go wrong and I’m going to wake up tomorrow without him in my life. It’s a terrible state of mind to be in constantly, I have to say. Here’s why I think this is happening.

  1. He’s the best guy I’ve ever dated. The guy I’m with is the only person I can imagine myself growing old with. People tell me to chill out and not imagine the worst-case scenario, but my mind can’t help but go there. I guess when things are so good, I can’t help but wonder if I’m being tricked into a false sense of security.
  2. I don’t want to sound pathetic. Some people have told me to woman up and stop defining myself according to my relationship. But I’m not doing that at all. The thing is, everyone’s afraid to lose something or someone they love. For me, my relationship is so amazing that I would hate to lose it. My life is better because of the amazing relationship that I have. There’s no shame in that, but there is a lot of fear attached to it, especially for someone like me who battles with relationship anxiety.
  3. Dating was crap before he came along. Being single was awesome, but dating was a minefield for me. I met a lot of toxic guys who almost made me want to call it a day and adopt 20 cats. I had a lot of toxic relationships that left me broken and with enough trust issues to fill a luggage set. When my partner came along, he made me see that love wasn’t supposed to hurt.
  4. He restored my faith in people. It would suck if I had to lose my partner because he helped me realize that there was someone out there who could connect with me in the most phenomenal way. Before him, I never thought I’d find someone who was my perfect match in every way.
  5. I hate being out of control. I think what underlies my fear of losing my partner is the fear of losing control. I can’t control what life does and I can’t always predict what curveballs will come my way. That’s scary because it’s like I’m at the mercy of an unknown force that does whatever it pleases.
  6. Love doesn’t always last forever. My partner could change his mind about me. We’ve all heard the stories of people who wake up and declare that they’re over their partners, just like that. People break up and they get divorced. Sometimes the couples you least expect are going through crap. There are no guarantees that love and marriage will be forever.
  7. I worry that I’m not good enough. Sometimes stress over losing my partner is more about me than about the unpredictability of life or scary divorce stats. I worry that my partner will get tired of dealing with my quirks and leave, that he’ll stop being attracted to me as time goes by, or that he’ll find someone else who’s a better match for him. I guess it’s normal to worry about this from time to time, but I hate it. I wish I could just be strong and back myself by reminding myself I’m a good catch.
  8. Love always carries a risk. It’s mad how the more you love, the more risks you accumulate. Loving someone is scary because you invest so much of yourself into the relationship. The thought of it all going to waste is a horrible one. But then what is one supposed to do? Should you hold back parts of yourself and some of your love? I don’t want to live that way.
  9. It’s still worth it. The truth is, I wouldn’t change a thing. Even with all the fears and anxiety that I experience, it’s still better to love wholeheartedly and risk getting my heart broken than to miss the opportunity of having an amazing love in my life.
  10. I’m trying to enjoy the moment. It’s really hard for me not to worry about the “What if” questions that make me afraid about the future, but I try to remind myself that it’s pointless to entertain them. Simply because of the fact that I can’t control everything, that should make me surrender to the unpredictability of life. I don’t know what will happen, so I might as well enjoy what I have now, right? Worrying about the future only makes me lose out on today, after all.
  11. I have to remember that I will be okay either way. I remember the story of a family friend who got a divorce after 20 years of marriage. She told me that it was so tough but she had to be okay. There was no other option, no Plan B. Her relationship was ending, but her life was still going strong. She inspired me with these words. I’m trying to remember her strength and wisdom, and when relationship anxiety rears its ugly head, I try to tell myself that I’ll be okay no matter what happens. What other choice is there?
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.