While all of my friends are coupling up and settling down, I’m still rolling solo. However, instead of being depressed about it, I’m actually pretty happy. I love being single and I’m actually in no hurry to get into a relationship. Here’s why.
- I’m gaining valuable self-knowledge. This is an underestimated aspect of self-control. Most people do so much growth in their teenage years that they fail to understand that the same thing happens in their twenties. And, indeed, every other age group that they trudge through. We’re never done growing. That means it’s really important to check in with yourself every now and then so that you can keep tabs on what you’re feeling. Where you might have felt out of control in a relationship, or unsure of how to communicate what you needed or wanted, you can evaluate those things by yourself. Independently, without any eyes on you. Find your truth and learn more about it with other people.
- It’s a serious confidence-booster. Yes, we all love the validation that comes with being in a relationship, but there’s also lots of negativity too. Even in what might seem like a healthy relationship. Relationships bring anxiety and over-thinking until you can sit down with your feelings to unpack them. That’s something that can be scary to do while in the relationship, so it’s always better to do that alone first. That way you can apply those skills when you’re later in the relationship so that you can practice what you preach.
- I can construct my own identity. No one else should determine your path or trajectory. It takes lots of experimentation and asking questions about yourself. You have more answers than you think you do. Just reframe the question. Don’t focus on what goes wrong in the relationship, or what you regret. Think about what your trigger point is, or what you’re afraid of, or running from. That means you can focus on the source rather than the symptom. Everyone makes mistakes and no one’s perfect. These are the lessons you learn while single rather than being tangled up with someone else and taking on their burdens rather than leveling your own.
- I’ll be a better partner in the end. Self-growth is important enough for yourself as a starter. But, it has the added benefit of making you more self-actualized and self-aware. You will gain an understanding of what you want and be able to articulate this in a meaningful way to any future partners you might have. This means you don’t waste each other’s time, and you can engage in the relationship as an adult. It helps you realize you’re a complete human being on your own, just as you are.
- I want to be free. This is the elephant in the room. The simple fact of the matter is that there’s a huge draw in not having responsibilities. Yes, we might all grow up and have children to look after, or big jobs to figure out how to negotiate that, but that’s not the here and now. Plus, who doesn’t love a night out on the town? Sometimes you just need to be able to have a night out or get drunk or be imperfect without thinking that you have to update someone or keep them in the loop. Get that out of your system and have fun.
- I’m still young. Frankly put, there isn’t any reason to tie yourself down when you’re young. Stay with your partner if you must, but try to introduce some perspective. Being in a relationship doesn’t make you a magically or more complete person. It doesn’t make you an adult, or any more mature than a person who is single. While you’re young, just focus on developing your own skills. Don’t commit to anything you’re not sure about either. These are fun years before the grind starts to kick in. Enjoy it.
- I don’t live on anyone else’s timeline. Why waste your time doing that? You won’t enjoy it, you won’t be fulfilled by it. It will never feel right to you, and you have to accept that. Figure out what you want to do in this life. No one will do that for you and if you don’t do it now, you will never prioritize it. Being single doesn’t mean that you waste your life away, do what YOU want.
- Commitment is meant to be a big deal. If it’s still a scary concept, it’s a good indication you aren’t suited for a relationship yet. Not a long-term one, anyway. Don’t force anything. Go with the flow and what suits your timeline. Think of nothing else. These skills grow with time anyway. You will learn what you like with time and experience. Don’t rush into something you think you ought to be doing. Single is where all the fun is had, anyway.
- When I do get in a relationship, I want it to be right. While a lot of people are happy to date around and they view dating disasters as a sort of rite of passage, I kind of don’t see the point. When you get with someone, you want it to have the potential to last long-term. If it doesn’t, why bother? Especially when I love being single so much. It’s not worth it.
How to learn to love being single
Maybe you’re alone and you hate it and feel like your life won’t be complete until you’re in a relationship. That’s obviously not true, but if you want to realize how great things can be even when you’re on your own, here’s what you need to do.
- Don’t put your life on hold. You’re obviously going to find it impossible to love being single if you’re not living much of a life because you think there are certain things you can’t do until you’re in a relationship. That’s just not true. Create a life you love right now, every day. When you do find a partner, they’ll fit into your already complete existence, which is how it should be.
- Use your time wisely. While you’re on your own, you can be using this time in ways that will prove valuable to you in the long run. For instance, this is a great time to do some self-reflection and figure out what you really want in a relationship. You can also use your time for self-improvement in other ways, like improving your health by learning how to cook or going to the gym or taking a course in a subject you always wanted to learn about.
- Strengthen your platonic relationships. You have a wonderfully supportive family and some great friends. Why do you need a romantic relationship to feel loved and cared for? Focus your time and energy on your platonic relationships and strengthen them. Those bonds will be the ones that carry you throughout your life even when there’s no romance in the picture.
- Travel. Get out there and see the world. Doing this will give you more perspective and help you learn to love being single more than I can express. Go on, get moving!
