It’s a weird thing, I know, but I’ve come to really enjoy knowing that other women are drawn to my boyfriend. It’s something that used to inspire jealousy, but I’ve since learned to appreciate the benefits and now it’s something I love. Here’s what it does for me and my relationship.
- It reminds me of how desirable he is. Nothing reminds me of this fact more than seeing it reflected back to me in someone else. My boyfriend is gorgeous but it’s easy for me to take that for granted when I see him every day. Knowing that someone else is attracted to him shows me afresh how hot he is. It’s like seeing him through another woman’s eyes.
- I get to see him from someone else’s perspective. When I put myself in her shoes, I imagine all the things she’s attracted to in him. Does she appreciate the depth of his eyes? Is it his infectious laughter she’s drawn to? Does she love his humor and confidence? I love playing this game and seeing my partner’s different qualities in a new light. I learn to appreciate parts of him that I’ve become accustomed to or never even noticed before.
- I see him in a broader context than just our relationship. I know, of course, that he’s an autonomous individual, but close relationships often carry hints of subconscious possessiveness, whether we intend it or not. Seeing him interact with other women and knowing they’re attracted to him, make it clear he operates entirely independently and that our relationship is just one facet of his life.
- I know he doesn’t belong to me. Following on from that autonomy is the knowledge that he isn’t mine. He’s free to do as he pleases and the only reason he’s with me is that he chooses to be. It’s a great reminder to let go of possessiveness and embrace gratitude. There’s nothing hotter than independence anyway.
- I become more attracted to him. Seeing him from another woman’s perspective, and being reminded of his individuality, are huge turn-ons for me. I become suddenly reawakened to my partner’s desirability and it drives a new passion in me. It’s in these moments that I feel most drawn to him and most appreciative of his place in my life. He’s a total catch and I know I’m lucky to be with him.
- It fuels my fantasies. The guilty truth is that I love to fantasize about my boyfriend sleeping with other women. Having real-life women to insert into that fantasy just makes it all that much hotter. He knows about this kink of mine and is totally accepting of it – sometimes I even share the details with him.
- It builds trust. We have such open and honest communication that I know my partner would tell me if there was a spark of interest with someone else. It’s such an exercise in trust and it brings us closer to be able to speak so freely with each other. Attraction from (or to) other women is an opportunity to practice vulnerable and transparent communication and can be an amazing catalyst for intimacy.
- We can gossip about it together. It’s bizarre and amazing to be able to gossip together about other women. I’m also attracted to women which makes it all that much more fun. There’s a nervous curiosity in me about my boyfriend’s other exchanges and sometimes it’s fun to explore those conversations. I want to know and understand him and that includes knowing how he feels when a woman is drawn to him. I want to share the excitement and nervousness and butterflies that come with such an experience.
- It prevents our relationship from becoming stale. It’s way too easy to become complacent in a long-term relationship. After the initial spark of attraction simmers down, taking your partner for granted can be par for the course. Among other things, having little sparks of intrigue like this can help our relationship to thrive and inject some excitement into the day-to-day. It certainly helps keep me on my toes.
