One of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to overcome is the heartbreak from my last relationship. It felt nearly impossible to escape what I was going through, so I made the decision to move across the country for a while. The impact that my move has had on my self-esteem, motivation, mental health, and well-being proved that this was the best decision I could have made to heal myself.
It allowed me to practice being alone.
Adjusting to being on your own again can be one of the hardest parts of a breakup. Loneliness can be such a difficult feeling to cope with and I was having a hard time with it. Moving across the country to start over made being alone less gut-wrenching and more exciting. I’m enjoying solitude rather than dreading it. This environment has allowed me to practice being alone in a healthy, constructive way instead of a debilitating one. I love spending quality time with myself again. This is such an important step in my healing because when we don’t know how to be alone, all we can be is lonely.
Out of sight, out of mind.
The saying rings true regarding these types of situations. By moving, not only was I not seeing my ex anymore but I had completely removed the option of seeing him too. Back home, I had the constant urge to still see my ex, text him, or get closure from him. Now that I’m on the other side of the country, those temptations don’t exist because the decision to see him isn’t even available to me. It’s so much easier to keep him out of my mind when I’m over a thousand miles away from him.
It gave me a new start.
When you’re stuck in the same routines that you were in before/during the breakup, starting over can be difficult. Moving away allowed me to completely begin again. Re-establishing my routines, creating new habits, and living my days entirely differently was the most refreshing thing I could have done for myself here. I was in desperate need of a new beginning in order to be okay with the end. I’ve been able to finally start putting my past with him to rest.
It offered me a fresh perspective.
With everything being so new and different, I was able to escape this clouded perception of things that I had constructed for myself back home. It feels like I can look at everything through a clearer lens. I feel so much lighter than I did before. I’m no longer bombarded by the negative feelings that engulfed me. I can look at things from a distanced perspective now and it’s given me a new outlook on a lot of things including my breakup.
I’ve bonded with new people.
I have the world’s best support system and some amazing friends back home – but since most of them knew what I was going through and saw me at my really low points, it became hard to escape those dark moments when I was around them. Making new friends and creating bonds with unfamiliar people felt refreshing and let me leave some of the hurt behind me. I was surrounded by people who didn’t know and hadn’t even heard of my ex-boyfriend. I’ve been able to form new relationships that are completely disconnected from him.
It rid me of the associations I had with him.
It was always killer to have my home and my city hold constant reminders of my ex. I felt like I couldn’t escape thinking of him, whether it was some wall décor that he gifted me, a restaurant we frequented, or even just my bed that I remembered sleeping next to him in. Changing the environment around me helped me create an entirely new space with totally new memories to make within it. I could explore as much as I wanted without worrying that I was going to end up at that bar we liked to drink at.
It gave me room to start a new romance.
It felt awkward moving on with new people when I still had pain lingering from my breakup and thoughts of my ex still present. Once my focus had shifted, I was able to feel comfortable enough to put myself out there to (casually) date again. I’m still taking plenty of space for myself, but I’ve made room for a new romantic partner within that space as well.
I was able to do a lot more healing work.
When you’re processing something traumatic, it can be hard to really begin feeling better. I know that for a while I navigated my breakup using unhealthy coping mechanisms, isolation, and many, many depression naps. It was hard to feel like I was even healing at all. Moving to a new place opened up some space for me to truly begin the real work. I started meditating daily, journaling regularly, and working through my emotions when they did still come up. My goal became to dedicate myself to bettering myself from the pain I experienced. I saw Reiki healers, took pottery classes, read poetry in front of a crowd (a first for me), and emerged myself into my healing journey. It was vastly easier to accomplish these things when I got out of the space I was in and stopped feeling so stuck.
I could focus on myself again.
By giving myself the chance to reconstruct myself and my life, I had no choice but to focus on my own wants and needs for a change. I’m able to take a look at my life and figure out how I want to live it with no one else in mind but myself. I’ve been doing a lot of self-exploration and removing negative vibes from my personal bubble (hello, frequent saging). Before I moved, it was hard for me to think about anything other than my ex and our breakup. Now, my mental clarity has improved and I’ve been able to do nothing but tend to me.
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