I Still Have Feelings For My Ex—How To Get Over Them For Good

Still have feelings for an ex? Most of us have been there. Getting over an ex that you shouldn’t be in love with anymore can be really difficult. Luckily, it is possible! Here’s a list of ways to get over them for good.

  1. Act like you’re over them. Fake it till you make it. This advice applies in so many areas of life and, naturally, also works when it comes to getting over an ex. The more you act like you’re over them, the easier it will be to finally arrive at that feeling for real. Of course, breakups are painful and it’s totally okay to be hurt after losing an ex. Deal with your feelings rather than suppressing them (more on that later in this list!). But after you’ve embraced and felt and released all your emotions, begin acting in a way that supports the feelings you do want to have. Don’t keep checking your ex’s Instagram. Don’t stay home every night crying in bed. And don’t buy into lies that you’ll never be happy. Act like you’re past all that and you soon will be.
  2. Don’t contact them at all. Ever. Seriously, this point can’t be emphasized enough. It’s really hard to keep someone in your life when you’re trying to get over them. To make it as easy and painless as possible for yourself, you just have to go cold turkey and cut them out. Don’t call them. Don’t respond to their texts. And don’t check their social media profiles. Block them if you have to. Keep as little contact with them as you possibly can.
  3. Stop talking about them. This is a lot easier said than done. But try your hardest to stop talking about your ex. As mentioned, it’s okay to talk about them as they relate to your feelings. If you find talking helps, you might even want to chat with a professional therapist or counselor. But don’t talk about them mindlessly. That means resisting the temptation to bring them up around your friends. This will also help you to resist the urge to contact them. Out of sight, out of mouth, out of mind.
  4. Get rid of painful reminders. Some reminders are too painful to keep. It can really help with the healing process to get rid of the things leftover from your relationship that make you think of your ex. And fair warning, it can be really difficult to give some of that stuff up! Think things like Valentine’s gifts and souvenirs from trips away together. If any of those objects are making you miss your ex, it’s time to get rid of them. And if you can’t get rid of them, at least put them where you can’t see them while you heal.
  5. Write a list of reasons why you’re not together anymore. Getting over your ex is an emotional process. But it helps to bring a little logic to the equation. If you’re still pining for that person, try writing down a list of reasons why you’re not together anymore. This could help you to override your strong feelings with some common sense. No matter how much your heart still wants them, some deal-breakers are just too severe to ignore.
  6. Start casually dating. To be clear, this tip isn’t for everyone. If you’re not ready to start dating again, then you don’t have to. But casual dating can be a lot of fun and can really help you to stop thinking about—and wanting—your ex. Not only is this a great distraction, but it should also show you that there are plenty of other people out there to choose from. Even if you do have to date some duds, eventually, you’ll come across someone who is a catch. And who knows? You might even develop feelings for someone else that will make you forget all about your ex.
  7. Feel your sad feelings. You won’t ever get over your ex if you don’t first process the painful feelings you have after losing them. Breaking up sucks. It’s okay to admit that. It’s okay to cry about it. And it’s okay to vent about it. Acting like you’re over them and acting like they don’t exist will come after this stage. First, you have to feel your sad feelings. It’s all part of the healing process.
  8. Build your self-esteem. Building up your self-esteem is a great way to help yourself move on from your ex. Focus on you for a while. Fall in love with yourself. That way, you’ll be more likely to only value the people who deserve to be in your life. You’ll be more likely to develop feelings for someone who is available to you. You can start working on your self-esteem by repeating positive affirmations, engaging in self-care activities, and stopping negative self-talk.
  9. Find purpose in your life. Sometimes, it’s easier to move on from an ex when you have something else to put your heart into. So try to find your purpose in life. Find your calling—whatever makes you happy and excited to wake up in the morning. It might be something huge like founding your own company. It might be something selfless like volunteering with struggling refugees. Or it might even be something seemingly small, like reading all the books you can. It doesn’t matter what it is. If you have meaning and purpose in your life, you’ll be less likely to try and fill a lingering void with an ex who isn’t meant for you.
Vanessa Locampo is an Aussie writer who’s equally obsessed with YA fiction and pasta. Her time is divided between writing all the things, reading all the things, listening to Queen, and bopping her cat on the nose. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing and has written for sites including Hotsprings.co and Discovering Montana, and currently works as an editor at Glam. You can keep up with her on Instagram @vanessaellewrites.