After struggling for years to “put myself out there” to meet a great guy and getting nowhere, I finally decided to stop trying too hard and leave my love life up to fate. While that may not seem like a terrible decision for someone who wants to find love and a long-term relationship, it ended up being the best thing I could have ever done. I did actually fall in love when I least expected it and wasn’t actively looking for it, so don’t let anyone tell you it can’t happen.
- Letting things play out on their own isn’t the same thing as giving up. Giving up would be completely ruling out the possibility of ever meeting someone special. If you simply leave it up to fate, you’re still open to finding love and hopeful that the universe has someone special in store for you — you’re just admitting that there may be a bigger plan in store for you than you could possibly orchestrate yourself.
- You’re allowed to enjoy life on your own. Repeat after me: there is nothing wrong with being single. In fact, it can be really liberating to just enjoy your solo life for the freedom and happiness it brings. You could meet someone special at any moment and begin the process of settling down; until that happens, you should be living every day to the fullest.
- It doesn’t have to be so exhausting. Dating sites tend to match people based on BS similarities that have nothing to do with actual compatibility. Just because you’re both single and enjoy the same type of music doesn’t mean you’re a good match, and it gets awkward when you’re grasping at straws to find common ground with someone you never would have met or interacted with organically.
- You may be surprisingly compatible with someone who’s your exact opposite. The other problem with dating sites is that they allow you to rule people out too quickly. Dealbreakers aren’t completely airtight; they can be broken if you meet the right person who embodies one or more of your former dealbreakers while still being completely compatible with you. That’s why it’s good to meet and get to know each other the old-fashioned way; you get to see who he really is rather than simply reading a profile and checking off the boxes.
- It feels amazing when fate brings someone special into your life. When it happens, you just know that your meeting was no coincidence. You also finally understand why nothing ever worked out with your exes. It was all leading here, to this magical place where love grows on trees instead of having to be manufactured in a BS factory.
- You can’t force chemistry. When you’re browsing literal databases of potentially suitable mates, it can be easy to lose sight of the fact that true chemistry runs so much deeper than any dating profile can dig. Even if someone seems perfect for you on paper and you have the same goals, the natural chemistry needed to create a long-term connection can’t be forced.
- Meeting the love of your life by chance makes a terrific story. I’m sure that couples who met on Tinder or POF have ended up at the altar, and that’s great, but there’s something undeniably cool about having a unique “how we met” story. In my case, my now-boyfriend knocked on my door and sold me cable right after I’d arrived home from serving as maid of honor in my BFF’s wedding. Stories like that make long-term romance even more magical. Don’t deprive yourself of that because you jumped into the arms of the first guy who swiped right.
- You don’t want to settle. Sometimes there’s a lot of pressure to settle for just anyone rather than carrying on with your single life, and there shouldn’t be. You’re not doing yourself or anyone else a favor by settling for just anyone; you deserve to feel the magic of finding a true connection that turns into real love. When you do, you’ll realize that it was worth the wait.