1. I Had No Idea How Toxic the Dating World Had Become
Part of the “As Told To” series.
Meet Eliza, 42. She shares the shock of her divorce and bigger shock at the modern dating world.
“I was 42 when my husband blindsided me with divorce. After 15 years together, I never in my wildest dreams imagined I’d be single in my 40s. Tinder? Hinge? Ghosting? It all felt like another language. Now, it’s endless texting and getting ghosted by people you don’t even like.
Men in my age group are either emotionally unavailable or drowning in baggage. One was still hung up on his ex, another juggled multiple women, and one bailed when I said I wasn’t into casual flings. Dating apps are brutal games designed to make you feel disposable. Eventually, I stopped chasing outcomes and started focusing on myself. “Take modern dating with a grain of salt, or it will break you.”—Eliza Duncan, NYC.
Continue reading to learn about the modern dating scene and how to survive > >
2. Everyone Thinks The ‘Next Best Thing’ Is Around The Corner
With dating apps providing an endless stream of potential matches, people have started treating relationships like shopping. Instead of focusing on the person in front of them, they wonder if someone “better” is just a swipe away. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships Research suggests that the abundance of choice in dating apps can lead to decreased satisfaction with chosen partners and a reluctance to commit. This abundance of choice has made it harder for people to commit. When things get difficult, there’s an easy escape—just open an app and start browsing. The problem? Real relationships require effort, patience, and sometimes, working through discomfort. But when the culture teaches you that something better is always waiting, people never invest long enough to find out what real connection feels like.
3. Instagram Has Skewed Our Idea Of What’s Attractive
Social media has turned attraction into a performance, where curated photos and polished aesthetics matter more than real chemistry. People judge potential partners based on how “Instagrammable” they are rather than how they actually make them feel. PsyPost A study from Arizona State University found that people who are more satisfied with their relationship are more likely to include or reference their partner in their Instagram posts. Instead of valuing genuine qualities—kindness, humor, compatibility—many people focus on superficial markers of desirability, like follower counts or aesthetic vacations. The result? Dating feels like a competition where the goal is to look good together rather than actually be good together.
4. Having A ‘Roster’ Of Other Options Has Been Normalized
Instead of committing to one person, many people now keep multiple “situationships” going at once—just in case something better comes along. This “roster” mindset means no one is fully invested in one connection. While some see this as empowering, it often leads to shallow, unfulfilling relationships where no one is truly valued. When everyone is afraid to put all their eggs in one basket, connections never have the chance to deepen.
5. Apps Have Turned Fun Dates Into Job Interviews
Once upon a time, meeting someone was an exciting, organic experience. Now, dating apps have turned romance into a never-ending job application, where people filter potential partners like they’re shopping for a new phone plan. Pew Research Center reports that while online dating has become more accepted, many users express frustration with their experiences on dating platforms. The excitement of a spontaneous connection has been replaced by the monotony of swiping, stale small talk, and the overwhelming realization that most of these conversations lead nowhere. Instead of feeling butterflies, people feel burnout.
6. Liking Someone’s Instagram Story Is the New Flirting
Flirting used to be about confidence, charm, and playful energy. Now? It’s been reduced to swiping right, reacting to an Instagram story, or sending a half-hearted “wyd” text. Instead of actual effort, people rely on low-effort interactions that create the illusion of attraction. Without the spontaneity of real-world interactions, people have forgotten how to read body language, hold engaging conversations, or build natural chemistry. The loss of flirting has made dating feel more like a transaction than an exciting game of connection.
7. You Get To Know Someone Online Before In-Person
In the past, attraction was built through real-life interactions. Now, people spend weeks texting before they ever meet, creating a false sense of intimacy that often crumbles the second they sit across from each other. Psychology Today Relationship experts warn that spending too much time texting before meeting in person can create unrealistic expectations and a false sense of intimacy. By the time you meet in person, you’ve already formed an idea of who they are—based on emojis, late-night texts, and curated selfies. But real chemistry can’t be manufactured over a screen, and more often than not, the fantasy doesn’t match the reality.
8. It’s Easier Than Ever To Ghost Someone
Before smartphones, if you wanted to end something, you had to have an actual conversation. Now, disappearing without a word is the norm, leaving people confused, hurt, and questioning their own worth. Ghosting is the result of a culture that treats people as disposable. It’s easier to vanish than to explain why you’re not interested, but it leaves behind a trail of unresolved emotions and trust issues that carry into the next relationship.
9. It’s Crawling With Scammers, Catfish, And ‘AI’ Generated Selfies
Online dating isn’t just exhausting—it’s risky. With fake profiles, scam accounts, and AI-generated catfish, it’s becoming harder to know who you’re really talking to. People have been tricked out of money, emotionally manipulated, or completely misled by someone pretending to be someone else. When people no longer trust that what they’re seeing is real, it creates an environment of constant skepticism. The effort it takes just to confirm that someone is real has made dating feel more like a security checkpoint than a romantic experience.
10. People Don’t Know How (Or Where) To Meet Organically Anymore
With dating apps dominating modern romance, people have forgotten how to meet in real life. Approaching someone at a coffee shop or striking up a conversation at a bookstore now feels almost unnatural. Many people rely so heavily on apps that they don’t even try to meet people in person. The result? Dating has become a digital experience first, a real-world experience second.
11. Online “Dating Coaches” Are Skewing Our Perceptions Of Healthy Relationships
The rise of online dating coaches has led to an overload of bad advice. From toxic “alpha male” content to manipulative dating strategies, many people are being misled about what a healthy relationship actually looks like. Instead of focusing on emotional intelligence, respect, and communication, dating advice has become a game of power dynamics and unrealistic expectations, making modern relationships even harder to navigate.
12. How to Navigate And Survive the Online Dating World
Navigating online dating can feel like stepping into a maze—exciting but full of dead ends. Start by setting clear goals: are you looking for something casual or serious? Be honest in your profile and don’t overthink crafting the “perfect” message—authenticity wins. Pay attention to consistency in communication; if someone is hot and cold—move on. Swipe intentionally—quality over quantity matters. If you feel drained, take a break. And remember: rejection isn’t personal; it’s just making space for the right match. Trust your gut, keep your humor intact, and don’t settle. And more than that, don’t discount meeting someone in real life. Go out with friends, join a social group, take up a hobby, they could be right under your nose.
