I Swear A Lot & I Don’t Give A F*ck If It’s Not “LadyLike”

I Swear A Lot & I Don’t Give A F*ck If It’s Not “LadyLike” ©iStock/g-stockstudio

It’s said that the definition of being ladylike is to be graceful, polite and behaving in a way that’s thought to be socially acceptable for a woman. I say f*ck that. If I want to curse like a sailor and shout from the rooftops when I give zero f*cks (or all the f*cks about something I’m passionate about), I can. People might give me crap for having a sharp tongue, but I literally don’t give a flying f*ck what people think. I curse a lot and I don’t give a crap if it’s not ladylike.

  1. Fun fact: swearing is a sign of intelligence. Aside from the fact that swearing just feels fantastic, it’s actually been studied and proven to show verbal intelligence. Now that science has proven what I suspected to be true all along, I can confidently laugh in the face of those who shame me for my clear vocabulary skills — I’m above them. Yeah, science, bitch!
  2. Swearing makes me less of a bitch. If I didn’t swear, how else would I release the negative feelings I’ve developed over the crap head guys I’ve dated or the dirtbag people I come into contact with regularly and have to pretend to be polite with? When I can blow off some steam with a few verbals f*cks and a glass of wine, the world becomes a better place. In fact, I’m more concerned about those people who say crap like “fudge” when they’re pissed off — they seem like ticking time bombs.
  3. I f*cking love swearing. I’ve gotten pretty crafty with my swearing. Perhaps it’s because I’m a writer and therefore an artist of words, but stringing together new swear jargon actually gives me and those who hear them in my company a few laughs. For example, have you ever called someone a jerk before? No? You haven’t lived life to the fullest yet.
  4. Your opinion is on my zero f*cks list. In case you haven’t figured out by now, I literally have no f*cks to give to anyone who thinks I’m “unladylike” because I drop F bombs like I drop Advil on day one of shark week. Oh, you don’t like that I swear? Please go and tell someone who actually cares — I don’t.
  5. Dirtbags sounds so much better than “mean guy.” Describing guys who we’re losers to me wouldn’t sound the same if I candy coated it and just called him a “mean guy” — this isn’t the Brady Bunch. I choose my words wisely for emphasis, and for the fact that some things just can’t be accurately described without cursing at all.
  6. Swearing gets the point across. There’s a clear difference in a person who says stuff like “I’m just so angry” and someone who says “I’m so f*cking angry.” One is a loose canon and one is just actually pissed. Can you guess which one is which? Hint — it’s the one who’s hiding their language gifts from the world.
  7. I’m classy AF despite it. Being ladylike and therefore classy isn’t inclusive to not having a foul mouth from time to time. It’s not as if I prance around shouting profanities for no reason or swear in front of authority figures and my elders. I’m polite as f*ck when I want to be, vulgar when I just don’t care and need to let one slip to make the statement sound better. It is what it is.
  8. I’m an adult — deal with it. At my age, I shouldn’t be shamed for using the word f*ck or using the word crap when I stub my toe on my dirtbag coffee table for the 17th time in a week. If I was back in grade school, okay, fine, that might be a problem — but as a full grown adult, I reserve the right to use any colorful language I choose. I earned the right to have my f*cks and use them too and I don’t care what anyone thinks.