I Thought 2020 Would Bring Back Courtship — Instead, It’s Made Some Guys Worse

Nothing makes your singlehood feel more pronounced like everyone’s face-to-face social lives being canceled indefinitely. If you’re not on lockdown with a significant other, your formerly independent lifestyle may start to feel a little… lonely. News articles are making the situation worse by promising false hope of chivalry and courtship making a comeback since guys have to talk to women for extended times and actually get to know them before the prospect of meeting up. In my experience, quarantine hasn’t been doing that and is actually making toxic dating behaviors worse in these 8 ways.

  1. They are pushing boundaries even harder. You’d think stay at home orders would keep the f**kboys away. Surprisingly, a lot of guys are still perfectly OK with “hanging out.” Even worse, they’re rushing to get this out of the way even sooner than before. Most people don’t start off dating with house calls, but shutting down retail, restaurants, and entertainment makes it “acceptable” for dudes to invite you over or ask to come to your place since there are no other options during a shutdown. Some guys are just not handling restrictions well and are probably just out there fishing for any female who will break the recommendations with them so they’re not alone. Just say no and let them keep trying with the next one.
  2. A lot more are just looking for friendships. Prior to the pandemic, it seemed like the average guy on a dating app claimed their intention was to seek a relationship. Now it seems like most are stating upfront they want a friend. These are probably the guys who had a rotation of women they saw before or were the ones in the bars every weekend chatting it up with new females. They like attention, conversation, and playing the field and aren’t used to being away from social gatherings where they could intermingle freely. They’re now going to try to make the best of their former casual-only lifestyles virtually.
  3. Their minds are deeper in the gutter. I mean…pent up testosterone can’t be good for macho men. If they don’t have a live-in buddy for physical contact, they’re going to try to get by with sexting and steamy FaceTime sessions with you if they can get it. The deed is definitely on the minds of some who aren’t used to going without for an extended period of time. Just know where his head might be at while you’re trying to have an innocent conversation.
  4. They’re even likelier to ghost you than usual. Men who have been furloughed or are working from home may have more time on their hands, which means they could manage talking to more women at the same time than ever. Having multiple contacts means he could either let your conversation sit for a few days until he gets back to you or simply just keep hopping from person to person when someone catches his attention more. There could really be next to no reason you don’t hear from someone other than you were already one of many being temporarily juggled.
  5. They may be more emotional. There is collective stress being felt while individual people are affected differently. He may be a little touchier and more argumentative than usual due to his circumstances and coping level. When people are around one another and vibing together there tends to be more harmony than being stuck behind a device misconstruing communication.
  6. Their intentions are shadier than ever. At the end of the day, this is a heightened time to try to date. You don’t have any idea of what guys want from you or what their motivations were for trying to meet someone they can’t take out. You also don’t know if this is a temporary fling that will last post-quarantine. Dudes in prison “fall in love” all the time behind bars for them to do a complete 180 once they gain freedom and don’t want to be tied down to someone. It’s important to keep expectations reasonable.
  7. Many are drinking more. Current stressors, boredom, and looming uncertainty about the future can play out in different ways. For some, this puts day drinking on the table and raises the limit for night drinking amounts. Alcohol affects everyone differently, and the light-hearted jokester you were bantering with last night could be a totally different person when he sobers up. This time might also tip the scales for formerly functioning alcoholic abuse to come out of this with a full-blown problem.
  8. Deception is at an all-time high. What better time to re-invent your image when someone is unable to see for themselves in person. The ability to fact-check is seriously diminished when you can’t do field operations and scope the scene. You could spend months talking to a whole lie. Be extra careful for catfishing and stories that don’t fully add up.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer