I Thought He Was The Man Of My Dreams — Then I Woke Up

When I first met my ex, he was incredibly charming. He said all the right things, treated me like a queen, and was basically everything I always hoped I’d find in a partner. When we made things official, I was thrilled that I finally had a boyfriend who valued me and treated me the way I deserved. I was sure I’d finally found the man of my dreams. Then I woke up and realized he was actually a total nightmare.

  1. He completely changed who he was overnight. Like many manipulative guys, the “man of my dreams” said and did all the right things at first, but once he realized he had me hooked and that I had serious feelings for him, he turned into an entirely different person. It was literally like night and day and was actually really scary.
  2. He was a total narcissist. Everything was about him. Everything. He was a know-it-all who would literally claim he knew more about parenting than someone who actually had kids (he actually did that with my sister). He completely lacked sympathy for everyone else but expected my world to revolve around him and for me to drop everything to assuage his ego and tell him what a special snowflake he was at the drop of a hat. Man of my dreams? I don’t think so.
  3. He was totally disrespectful. I can’t count the number of times he talked to me like absolute garbage in front of my friends, yelling, cursing at, and belittling me in front of them when we had an argument (which was inevitably started by him). It was like he was hell-bent on trying to embarrass me to make himself feel better and it was awful.
  4. He cheated on me but claimed it was my fault. About nine months into our relationship, I found out that he’d been sleeping with one of his co-workers. She actually found me on Facebook and told me after she realized that the story he told her — that I was the one who’d cheated on him and broke his heart before leaving him in the dust — wasn’t true and that he was full of sh-t. Seems he made himself out to be the man of her dreams too. When I confronted him about it, he said if I wasn’t so naggy and such a terrible girlfriend, he wouldn’t have had to try and blow off steam elsewhere.
  5. He refused to take responsibility for his actions. Like all immature man-children, he was incapable of admitting when he’d done anything wrong and instead blamed absolutely everything on everyone else. If he exploded and lost his temper, it was because someone goaded him into it. If he got caught in a lie, it’s because he’d felt backed into a corner because the other person (often me) couldn’t handle the truth. We were together for nearly a year and I never once heard him apologize for anything.

“Man of my dreams”? I think not

  1. He never got me off. The man of my dreams always made sure to finish me off and never left me hanging, even if he had to work extra hard to get me there because he truly cared about my pleasure. This bozo would literally pump away at me for 2.5 seconds before rolling off me and immediately starting to snore. However, he still bragged to all off our friends about how great he was in bed and expected me to play along with him.
  2. He was a d-ck to my friends. My girls are some of the kindest, most accepting people out there, and they extended an incredible amount of patience towards my ex. That didn’t stop him from talking to and about them like crap both behind their backs and to my face. He didn’t value their importance in my life and actually did his best to drive a wedge between us. This so-called man of my dreams was hell-bent on isolating me and destroying every good thing in my life.
  3. He was always negging me. When I’d get dressed up for a night out, he’d tell me that he nearly forgot how well I could clean up. When I got my promotion at work, he said maybe now I’d finally be able to contribute more to our dates (despite the fact that we literally always went dutch). He seemed to get a kick of trying to tear me down and it wasn’t long before I’d had it all.
  4. He tried to convince me he was the best I could do. If he was the actual man of my dreams, I would have agreed with him. However, the truth is that he was a total nightmare and getting away from him was actually the best thing I could have ever done. I can’t lie and say he hasn’t left some serious damage in his wake, but I’m determined not to let him destroy my faith in love.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia