Once I realized I was ready to settle down and find my life partner, I decided to change my approach to dating. When I met a guy I liked, instead of going with the flow, I laid out my expectations and my desire to get married on our very first date. Perhaps unsurprisingly, this backfired on me and completely changed the course of our relationship.
He automatically assumed I wanted to marry him. Sure, I wanted to tie the knot, but I wasn’t so sure if he was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I barely even knew him, for goodness’ sake. By revealing how important marriage was to me, it gave him false hope that he would be my future mate when in reality, I wasn’t sure if I even liked him at that point!
I felt kinda desperate. There’s something about voicing my desire to walk down the aisle that came across a bit desperate. I felt like I was essentially throwing myself at him and subjecting myself to be the type of “pick-me” girl that the dating world mocks. That’s so not me, and I hated feeling that way.
Every conversation revolved around the future. From what kind of wedding we’d have, how many guests we’d invite, where we would live, how many kids we’d have, and how we’d raise them, we only talked about our hypothetical future. We were so engrossed in what might happen 10 years from now that we forgot to just chill out and live in the moment. Enjoying the present just wasn’t in our equation and it totally sucked.
I felt a little too rushed. I knew I wanted to get married, but I wasn’t ready to get hitched right at that moment. Letting him know that marriage was on my mind only made me feel more rushed to take our relationship to the next level. Instead of letting things progress at a natural pace, I could feel my life as a single woman slowly slip away. Honestly, it scared the crap out of me and I wanted out!
I had second thoughts about what I really wanted. Saying I want to get married and actually going through with it are two different things. Once I told him that I was looking for a lifelong commitment, it made me second guess if that was truly what I wanted. I guess I caught a case of cold feet and I had no one to blame but myself.
The pressure became too much. The spontaneity of our new relationship was stripped from us and everything felt so forced. We decided we would date for a certain amount of time, get engaged after a certain point, and get married on a specific date. Our relationship went from fun and exciting to a snooze fest in a heartbeat. When I knew what to expect around each and every corner, I became complacent and unsatisfied.
Things got too serious too quickly. It was like a light switch was flipped and our relationship went from casual to serious before I even had a chance to pump the brakes. In return, this caused me to freak out because it was hard for us to slow things down once they got going. I knew I wanted to get married, but I didn’t want our romance to get so serious so fast.
He eventually freaked out too. Don’t get it twisted—I wasn’t the only one who was having a panic attack over the acceleration of our relationship. He actually began to have second thoughts about everything, as well. Knowing that I was looking for marriage sounded like something he could handle and something he was ready for too, but over time, being aware of my marital desires only pushed him away.
His friends thought I was nuts. I don’t typically care what people think about me, but I wanted his friends to like me of course. When they found out about my desire to be a wife, that’s when things in our relationship went south. They tried to encourage him to dump the nutty girl who was “desperate to get married,” and group outings between our mutual friends eventually became unbearable.
I learned my lesson. I thought it would be a good idea to let him know my plans for the future, but now I realize that it was the complete opposite. It caused our relationship to drift off into a territory that neither of us was familiar with or ready to embark upon. I know there’s nothing wrong with me telling it like it is and looking for something that’s more than just a casual relationship. However, I finally learned that it’s best to let a relationship develop at its own speed and let the chips fall where they may.
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