I Used To Hate Being Alone — Here’s How I Learned To Love It

A few years ago, the thought of being alone would fill me with terror. What would I do? How would I manage on my own? My fears came true when my ex broke up with me. I found myself having much more time on my own. Here’s how I pushed the fears aside and embraced flying solo.

  1. I sat down with my feelings. When there was a lot of noise around me, I’d feel like I was part of something. But I knew I couldn’t be around everyone all the time because it was preventing me from focusing on my inner self. So, I took the opportunity to be still, alone, and listen to my feelings. It was eye-opening.
  2. I saw an adventure instead of fear. I was sick and tired of being scared all the time that I’d be on my own. I tried to see adventure in going to the shops alone or spending a Saturday night all by myself. Instead of worrying about what I’d do, I’d think, “What fun stuff do I want to do?”
  3. I got to know myself. It sounds cliche, I know, but exploring who I’d become now that I had the time to do that was great. I learned so much about what I really wanted to do with my life. And you know what the best part about this was? Now that I had more time to be on my own, I could really enjoy it without relationship distractions.
  4. I became selfish. My ex and I never shared the same hobbies, so now that I was alone, I realized it was the perfect time to do the things I loved. I started to paint and write more. I listened to the music I loved that he always hated. I went for long walks in nature and spent a lot of time reading. It was amazing!
  5. I stopped feeling guilty. When people are around, it can be a bit weird to do your own thing with zero guilt. I don’t know about you, but when I was with my ex, I’d always feel guilty to want to isolate myself and lie in bed all weekend if that’s what I felt like doing. But now that I was alone, I could totally do that with zero helpings of guilt. Who cared if I wanted to eat chocolate mousse for dinner? Who cared if I wanted to dye my hair blue and dance around my apartment? Who cared if I wanted to Netflix the entire weekend?
  6. I was surprised to find i wasn’t lonely. Once I put myself out there and tried to enjoy being on my own, I realized that I wasn’t lonely at all. I learned that being on your own is very different from being lonely. How could I be lonely when I was such awesome company?
  7. It was refreshing not to need anyone’s approval. Being around people used to make me feel like I had to earn their approval the whole time. It’s exhausting to say the least. When I could shut out the world and be on my own, I was able to focus on my own opinions and thoughts. If I liked something about myself/my apartment/clothing/hobbies, then I’d enjoy it. Empowering. It taught me how to really live and I made sure to take this new state of being into the world with me.
  8. I did things that made me feel strong. I used to worry that I’d be weak on my own. Whatever. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone by trying things I never thought I could do. For example, I learned how to change my car’s flat tire instead of calling for help. It was so empowering to depend on myself.
  9. I started to crave my alone time. When I’d spend time with friends and other loved ones, I’d find myself craving time alone. This was totally new for me and I loved it. I was becoming my own BFF and it felt awesome.
  10. I knew that i was never really alone. I could choose alone time whenever I wanted it, and when I didn’t want it anymore I could reach out to people around me. They were just a text away if I needed a chat. It was important to remember this.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.