I Want To Get Married But I Still Want To Live Alone

When you watch old television shows, you might laugh at the fact that couples often had single beds that were set a distance apart from each other. To me, that sort of arrangement is kind of nice. Cuddling up with someone is great, but in general, I’m the type of girl who needs a lot of space. Maybe it’s because I’ve had long spans of being single before, or perhaps I’m just stuck in my ways. All I know is that moving in with a guy sounds like a nightmare and it’s a step I wish I didn’t have to take.

Any sort of roommate situation is depressing to me.

Even if it’s living with someone I love with all my heart, I don’t want to get mad at them for leaving their laundry in the washer. I feel like any kind of cohabitation situation I find myself in, I turn into the responsible “mother” type and it gets a little old. If I married someone, the rest of our lives would be me telling him to load the dishes in the dishwasher. That doesn’t sound like a fun idea to me.

I’m also set in my routine.

I have a particular way I do things and I’m not willing to easily compromise that schedule. It took years to build. I understand that this is going to be tough on any sort of marriage since I will be forced to schedule things as a unit. My weekends will no longer be totally mine — they’ll be hours, and they’ll probably be spent visiting relatives instead of traveling the world. Maybe my mind will change with time, but for right now? It sounds like a nightmare.

The second you live together, you need to fill the space with a pet or a baby.

Or both. I love animals and kids, but it’s actually less pressure for me to have a kid outside of a serious relationship. I think it’s a control issue, like much of this is. In general, I try to live my life week by week. Planning ahead and seeing if there’ll be enough space in a home for a potential nursery gives me a bit of anxiety.

I’ve never lived with a partner who remembers to lock doors.

No matter what, I’ll always get up in the middle of the night to make sure it’s locked. Usually it is, but sometimes it isn’t. I’d rather just live by myself and know exactly what steps I took to keep my home and my belongings safe. This might also be a big source of my anxiety. I’ve even had ex-boyfriends lie to me about locking the door just because they’re too lazy to go downstairs and double-check.

I don’t want to feel like I have no space in a place where I’m paying rent.

There are a lot of two-bedroom apartments available in my town and it’s tough to move into one, just because my partner and I never know what to do with that spare room. We don’t want to get a roommate, but I also don’t want to turn it into his gaming center. Why should I have to pay more for him to have more space? He can turn that around as well and say that he doesn’t want to have to pay more if we turned it into my office space. I’d rather just have my own place and have every room be mine. My future husband can have some drawer and closet space, but otherwise, things get too stressful.

I know I’ll get roped into doing his laundry.

I know it happens sometimes — his stuff gets mixed in with mine in the hamper. But I’ve been through more relationships than I care to admit where the guy thinks he’s being sneaky and having me wash half of his week’s laundry based on sneaky maneuvers. I’ll do it since I care and want him to have clean clothes, but I shouldn’t. If I have my own place, the chances of this happening decrease by at least 85%.

If we split, it’ll be a nightmare.

I know marriage is serious and I plan on taking it seriously, but adding a house to the mix makes things even more difficult if things go wrong. I’d feel more comfortable buying a small place just for me and living there for the rest of my life. I don’t want to possibly have to move and find a new home because some guy decides he’s not actually ready to commit.

I know these feelings are irrational but they’re honest.

I had a wonderful upbringing consisting of two adults living in the same home. And I know my dreams seem unreasonable. Maybe it’s just because I haven’t actually met the right person yet. Or, maybe I’m just meant to be by myself for a few years. I just know that the second people pair up and live together, a new kind of chaos develops. Right now, that’s the last thing anyone needs.

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