I was talking to a guy for a few months and things started getting pretty serious. I like him a lot and thought we were a great match. He was everything I was looking for in a man and I started seriously envisioning a future with him… until I discovered he cried more than me.
I’ve never been one to express my emotions.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve carried an “I don’t care” attitude. I rarely cry, and when I do, it’s because I’ve reached a breaking point. I don’t express my emotions much and I definitely don’t like to talk about them with a significant other. Most men don’t care to speak about emotions either, so when I came across a guy that did, I ran.
I could tell from the start that he was sensitive.
He liked to talk things out, which wasn’t a bad thing. I knew I was bad at communicating feelings, so it was nice to have someone that could. A sensitive guy was a positive change for me and I was ready for a new experience. He was also raised by an all-female house so I kinda got where he was coming from.
As things progressed, I discovered he was extremely sensitive.
I’m a very goofy and sarcastic person so I like to joke around a lot. Sometimes he wouldn’t see the humor in things and instead got offended. I thought maybe it was time for me to start being a little more serious and tone it down a notch, but no. He started to become so sensitive that even minor things would trigger him. It got to to the point where he would be so upset or offended by something that I was completely oblivious about that I just had to let it pass over. Red flags were popping up, but the huge stop sign appeared when I found out he was a crier.
While he never cried in front of me, his mention of it was enough to freak me out.
One day, he brought up that he cries at least once a week because he likes the release of emotions. If he needed to let out a happy, sad, or angry tear, then out it would come. He was never one to hold back a tear. I agree it’s very healthy to cry when necessary, but once a week? I’m lucky if I cry once every six months. Something about a man crying more than me just instantly turned me off.
It made me feel like I was the masculine one in the relationship.
I don’t mean to sound sexist or stereotypical, but isn’t the woman typically more sensitive than the man? What was I supposed to do if he started crying in front of me? Comfort him? I know I said I was ready for new experiences, but I wasn’t sure I could handle this one.
It made me uncomfortable.
I already didn’t know how to handle my own emotions, so trying to handle someone else’s was not in my description. It also didn’t help that I tend to laugh when I feel uncomfortable. Whenever he attempted to discuss something that made him upset, I sat there and laughed. Yeah, awkward. I couldn’t even find the proper words to answer his questions and I completely shut down.
He expected me to express my emotions as well.
Apparently, my inappropriate laughing didn’t signal to him that I was bad at handling emotions, because he began expecting me to express mine in return. I mean, who did he think he was, my therapist? Totally kidding. However, I wasn’t okay with sharing my thoughts and communicating like a normal human being. Showing affection and being lovey-dovey was also not my thing, so I felt like a lot was being asked of me.
It brought out my own insecurities.
I know that my suppression of emotions isn’t healthy, so when he was so in tune with his and expected me to be that way too, it made me question myself. Why am I like this? How do you expect to have a healthy relationship if you can’t even express your emotions? Seeing his sensitive side made me feel uncertain about my own capabilities and even made me question if I needed to change.
I thought about it and quickly realized I wasn’t ready to change.
I realized I needed to change my emotional habits to live a healthier lifestyle, but right then and there wasn’t the time. If I was going to change a huge part of me, I wanted to do it for the right reasons, not for a man I just met. I also realized it was going to take a lot of time and self-discovery to become emotionally available toward not only myself but another person. The pressure I was feeling to be someone completely different than myself was a little too much.
He was a great guy, but his baggage was just too much for me to carry.
I appreciated his eagerness to talk things out and express his emotions in a healthy way, but a guy who cried more than me just wasn’t something I could handle. The pressure to be equally as good at expressing my emotions was real and I was nowhere near ready to tackle the mess in my head. Maybe in the future I’ll be able to handle a sensitive guy, but for now, it’s a no from me. In the meantime, I need to do some work on myself.
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