I’d Love To Find a Guy To Spend My Life With, But I Never Want To Get Married

I’d Love To Find a Guy To Spend My Life With, But I Never Want To Get Married

I’m at that age where engagement announcements, “save the date” cards, and upcoming nuptials seem to be coming at me from every angle. You might think all the wedding cheer would have me thinking about getting married, too, but it’s actually had the opposite effect. I want to find the right guy to settle down with, but this is why I’ve known for a long time that I never want to tie the knot:

  1. I’m not religious. Being married is not a prerequisite for anything in my mind, and if I did end up getting married, I probably wouldn’t do it in a church. I don’t need the approval of God to make my relationship official, so why stand up in front of a bunch of people and pretend I do?
  2. I don’t care about having a wedding. A lot of girls dream about every detail of their future wedding from the gown they’ll wear, to the flowers, to the color scheme. I’ve never cared about any of those things, and I honestly don’t think I’ll wake up one day and feel like I missed out on something just because I didn’t have a fairytale wedding.
  3. Maybe I am a bit of a commitmentphobe. Not that being in a long-term relationship is realistically any less of a commitment than being married, but I still think I’d prefer to never have to take that one extra step. It might be a psychological thing, but I feel like I’m maintaining an important piece of my independence by never getting married, and I like the thought of that.
  4. Marriage guarantees nothing. The only thing I really want is to be happy, and there’s a lot more to that than my relationship status. Getting married won’t guarantee I’ll stay in love with the person I married, and it won’t make a bad relationship worth saving.
  5. I want to be a mom more than I want to be a wife. I’ve always known I want to have kids, and for me, getting married has never been a prerequisite to that. As long as my kids have parents that love them, I don’t think it matters if we’re married or not. I’d much rather be with someone for ten years or more and have a family together and then decide to get married than the other way around.
  6. I don’t want to go through a divorce. Call me cynical, but I think I’m just a realist. Divorce is a very real possibility. My parents are divorced, and I know that’s not something I want to be part of my life story. To each their own, but I’d rather never be married than have to go through a divorce ten years from now.
  7. Getting married isn’t an accomplishment to me. Setting a goal of getting married by a certain age seems old-fashioned to me. You’re only setting yourself up for disappointment or creating a situation where you’ll be settling because you feel like the clock is ticking. You aren’t better or more desirable than anyone else because you’re married. If I never get married, I won’t see that as a failure.
  8. I don’t want to be with someone for the wrong reasons. I don’t want to stay married to someone because it’s too much work to get a divorce. I also don’t want to marry someone because I’m a certain age and it’s “time” or because I want to have kids. I’d rather make a conscious decision every day to stay with that person because I WANT to rather than feeling like I HAVE to because I signed a contract.
  9. I’m not sold on the “one person forever” thing.  Marrying someone kind of implies you want to be with them for the rest of your life, right? That’s a bold statement, and it’s one I’m not sure I’ll ever want to make. We’re not all meant for lifelong monogamy, and that’s okay as long as we’re honest about it.
  10. I just don’t see the point. Getting married is really just an unnecessary formality that puts a dot over the “i” of an already established relationship. It’s one of those milestones people think they have to pass through at least once in their lives. But I don’t have that need. The only way I’d consider it is if it’s something the guy I see myself spending the rest of my life with really wants. Relationships are about compromise, after all, and being married certainly wouldn’t be the end of the world — it’s just not something I’m interested in actively pursuing.

 

By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, Complex.ca and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo