I’d Rather A Guy Tells Me Straight Up He’s Not Interested Instead Of Stringing Me Along

The truth hurts, yes, but not as much as being led down the garden path. I want the guy I’ve started dating to tell it to me straight if he’s not into me. I don’t care if it hurts like hell—I need to know.

  1. The pain is temporary. Sure, I’ll be totally bummed and feel rejected that he doesn’t want to date me, but I’ve been through rejection before and my wounds healed. Besides, the wounds from being strung along for weeks or months and then dumped or ghosted are far worse—and they take much longer to eliminate.
  2. The truth will set me free. Why would I want to waste time with some loser who can’t make up his mind or is just leading me on when I can cut my losses and go find a more decent, committed guy instead? I’d rather he just tells me the truth right away so I know where I stand and I can make a different plan with someone better. The truth’s liberating!
  3. It’s like ripping off a plaster on a small wound. Knowing he’s not interested soon after we’ve met rather than hearing it later comes with a bonus: I can’t really feel like crap about a guy’s rejection if I barely know him! So, really, hearing the truth right away is like ripping off a plaster—much better to do it ASAP. Now, imagine how much worse it would be to find out he’s not into me months into a relationship when I freaking love the guy. Torture! That would be like ripping off a bandage after getting stabbed. Argh!
  4. I’d rather be unhappy with the truth. The truth can really be hurtful, but I’d rather deal with my pain than be stuck living a lie. Love that’s fake AF is the worst kind of pain there is. Give me cold, hard truth instead any day of the week!
  5. I don’t want to make a dating investment. At least, not with someone who’s lying to me. FFS, that would be like investing money into a fake scheme. I’d rather save all my energy and love for someone who really deserves it—and can give me good returns by feeling the same way about me as I do for him.
  6. I’m not good at being the carefree GF. I take dating seriously. I don’t want to waste my precious time with someone who’s not going to stick around in the next few weeks or months. I’d rather be single, then, so I can do whatever I want and not have to deal with lies. If the guy isn’t on the same page as me, he should damn well tell me right away so he doesn’t have to be stuck with a serious woman and I don’t have to be stuck with a confused casual dater.
  7. If he’s confused, that’s no reason to remain silent. If he’s telling his friends he’s confused about me and so he wants to continue dating me, I deserve to know what’s going on. He should tell me he’s confused. Not so that I’ll stay and try to help him make up his mind (hell no), but because it will make me run for the exit. He’s either in this 100 percent or not at all. And if it’s been a month of dating and he still doesn’t know what the hell he wants, that’s his problem—he can sort it out in his own time instead of bothering me with it.
  8. I’ve banned analyzing texts. I used to spend lots of time studying a guy’s texts for hidden messages that he was into me and going to take our casual dating further. Yawn. I refuse to do that anymore! Now, instead of scrutinizing his words and texts, I’d rather ask him upfront if he’s keen on dating me seriously or not. Sure, it’s scary to put myself out there and risk rejection. It also sucks to reveal my feelings. But if it gives me peace of mind, then I’m all for it.
  9. I don’t want to fool myself. The worst thing about a guy who seems interested in me but isn’t laying claim to me is that I risk fooling myself. I start to believe that he does like me, which keeps me stuck in the situation. I go along with him, casually dating for more weeks even though in my heart of hearts I know I’m just wasting my time. For how long can I lie to myself? For how long can I be happy waiting for something to happen? Not long at all. Sooner rather than later, all that anticipation is going to turn into annoyance. I’d rather save myself from that.
  10. The breakup’s on hold, but it’s coming. If he’s stringing me along and my gut tells me so, the breakup’s going to happen. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but some time in the very near future. If I stay, I’m not guaranteed that he’ll wake up and want to date me, but I am guaranteed that when the breakup finally drops it’s going to be even more painful than if we’d just gone through this nasty situation when we started dating. Better cut our losses now and maybe stay friends or something with no hard feelings.
  11. I need to know i’m not moving on prematurely. I’m not the type of person to date multiple guys simultaneously. I prefer to know what’s happening with one before moving onto the next. That means, the guy’s got to be upfront with me from the beginning. When that happens, I don’t feel like I need to see things through. I know exactly what’s potting so I can move on, either to find someone else or take a dating breather and do me. Without all those stupid fears that I’ve done something wrong or ended what could’ve been a great relationship—ugh, who needs those?
  12. Let’s define the relationship. Not knowing if the guy’s into me or not is torture. It starts to make me feel insecure and lose self-confidence. I become riddled with thoughts like, “Why doesn’t he like me?” or “Is there something wrong with me?” Ugh. I don’t want to entertain such thoughts because they just make me feel like crap when I don’t deserve to feel like that. Why should I be doubting myself because some guy can’t see my worth? That’s why it’s better to nip all this in the bud when I start dating a guy. If we aren’t going to define the relationship by agreeing to take things to the next level, then let’s agree to diss the relationship. Adios!



Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.