I’d Rather Have No Sex Than Casual Sex

I’d Rather Have No Sex Than Casual Sex ©iStock/Tassii

Being single has its ups and downs, but by far one of the worst things about the single life has to be the lack of regular sex. Of course, most girls know that if they really need to get laid, there are a few options available — but most of those involve either desperately texting an ex at 2am or taking a chance with a near stranger. We’re smack dab in the middle of hookup culture, but that doesn’t mean casual sex is for everyone. I, for one, would rather not have sex at all than bother with the casual thing.

  1. I don’t like how it makes me feel. Some girls have no problem sleeping with lots of different guys, and that’s perfectly fine, but I’ve never been able to get past the feeling kind of used and unsatisfied any time I’ve had casual sex. It’s a lot more likely that I’ll regret sleeping with a guy I don’t care about than feel empowered by it, so I end up just avoiding it altogether.
  2. I’m too self-conscious. I’m not proud of this fact, but I’m still not comfortable enough with my body to be showing it to any guy who asks. I’m definitely less self-conscious than I used to be, but there’s still some lingering hang-ups that I haven’t quite conquered. Maybe one day I’ll be all about the casual sex, but right now, it’s not for me.
  3. I’m looking for something serious. It’s not like I can control who I meet and where it leads, but when I find out a guy only wants to hook up, I immediately lose interest. I don’t even bother taking a step down that road, and it’s not even a choice — it’s just instinct.
  4. The sex is usually terrible anyway. Maybe there are girls out there who have multiple orgasms without even breaking a sweat, but I’m not one of those girls. I have to be comfortable, and the guy needs to kind of know what he’s doing — not to mention care whether I get off or not — in order to enjoy myself. It’s rare for a casual hookup to be worth the effort of shaving my legs, so why bother?
  5. I can take care of myself. Just because I’m not having sex doesn’t mean I’m not having orgasms. In fact, I’m probably having more, because when it’s just me, I get off every time, guaranteed.
  6. Even bad sex reminds me that I kind of miss sex. When I don’t have a reliable source of good sex, it’s a lot easier to just not think about it. If I end of giving in and sleeping with someone and it’s terrible, all that does is remind me that good sex is out there — I’m just not having it.
  7. Casual sex makes me kind of paranoid. Even if I’m super careful with birth control and condoms, there’s still a tiny voice in my head that’s all like, “You don’t know where this guy has been!” Logically, I know I’m fine, but there’s still that ever-present what-if?
  8. When I do have sex, it will actually mean something. Not that all sex has to be some kind of epic declaration of undying love or anything, but I’m one of those people who has a hard time separating sex from emotions. I want to have some kind of connection with the people I sleep with. Whether it’s a connection that lasts or not, I can’t really control — but at least in the moment, I want to be able to say I’m genuinely interested in more than what that person looks like naked.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.