If I Don’t Have At Least One Guy Chasing Me, I Start To Doubt Myself

Why oh why do I need the attention of a guy to feel like I’m worthy? I constantly catch myself getting insecure and depressed when I don’t have at least one guy chasing me and I’ve come to realize how wrong that is. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to stop.

  1. I should be confident in myself by now. I feel like basing my self-worth on the opinion of a guy would be okay if I was in high school, but not when I’m in my mid-20s! I thought that I’d be comfortable with myself by now, but I guess there’s still a bit of teen angst left in me and I don’t think it’s healthy.
  2. I don’t want to have to always depend on external validation for my inner happiness. Only when I can fill the void in my soul with self-love will I ever truly be free. I seem to chase outside things like approval from a guy, money, success, a relationship all so that I’ll feel “okay” with myself. What if all that stuff got taken away? If and when that happens, I’m going to be left feeling empty and worthless inside because I used all this outside crap to make me happy.
  3. I’m technically using guys to feed my ego, which is kinda crappy of me. These guys aren’t doing anything wrong, it’s me who puts so much importance on them. I don’t even really want a relationship with most of the guys who chase me — I’m straight up using them to make me feel more confident and the more I think about it, the more unfair it seems to be for them.
  4. I don’t want to be defined by what a man thinks of me. Whatever happened to not giving a crap about what people think of me? I like to think that I don’t care about how guys see me and that I only dress up and wear makeup for myself, but the truth is that I literally define myself according to what men seem to think of me. All it takes is for one guy to tell me how beautiful I am and I’m good for, like, a week. I hate how much I need that approval, especially from random guys who don’t even know me.
  5. I wish I could just provide that kind of approval to myself. Wouldn’t it be nice if I actually loved myself properly? Maybe then I wouldn’t be thrown off my center so often. The times in my life that I felt the happiest have been when I was in a relationship or was getting chased by a guy. Is that sad? I feel like it might be. I should be happy because I decide to be and love myself unconditionally just because I’m me.
  6. Not having at least one guy interested in me makes me feel like I’m completely undateable. The second I have no prospects for relationships, I feel like my life is over. I mope around town thinking that I’m ugly, worthless and deserve to be alone forever. All it takes is a guy coming up to me and asking for my number and I’m back, baby. I instantly see myself as a total queen and that I deserve the attention of every guy in the room. Why can’t I feel that way all the time?!
  7. I like to think that I’m an independent woman. I love the idea of being an independent woman but rarely ever act that way. Think about it — if I truly WAS independent, I wouldn’t give a rat’s ass about what guy likes me and what he thinks of me. I would be too busy living my life’s purpose and being totally fabulous to even care. Sadly, though, I’m not there yet.
  8. Most of them are probably just chasing me for sex anyway. I try to remember that most of these guys only want to get in my pants and that they don’t really think I am the most amazing thing that has ever graced this earth. It still means so much to me though that they’re even giving me a second glance and I wish that I could just come to my senses and see them as the sleazy guys that they probably are.
  9. I thought I was a feminist. A feminist would never measure her self-worth against a man’s approval, but here I am doing just that. Our world will never move forward on feminist issues if we don’t step into our power… but seriously, it’s a lot harder than it looks.
  10. It’s only because I never really get a lot of male attention. Maybe if I was supermodel hot or had a magnetic personality, I would be bored of getting any kind of male attention and wouldn’t measure myself on how much they like me. However, since I’m overwhelmingly average, it still feels like a really big deal to me that any guy is even talking to me and when it gets taken away, it hurts because I don’t know when I’ll get it again. Ugh, someday I’ll get over this.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.