If Every Guy Seems Like A Liar, Player Or A Loser, You’re Looking for Problems

You go on plenty of dates with interesting guys, but you always seem to find something wrong with them in the first week — if not the first few minutes. It seems like every guy is a liar, player or just, but is that really the case? If you’re seeing red flags everywhere with every guy you meet, maybe it’s not the guy that’s the problem — it’s you.

  1. You’re standing in your own way of finding love. Maybe you’re the obstacle here. You want to blame all these guys and their supposed red flags for the fact that you’re still single, but the reality is that you just keep pushing men away either because you have unrealistic standards or you’re trying to protect yourself from getting hurt. Think of it this way: if every guy is just a bunch of red flags to you, then you’ll never find any guy who’s “good enough.”
  2. Not every guy is a loser. I know it’s hard to believe after so many men have let you down, but the truth is they’re not all that bad. All the good guys are not taken — you just keep looking past their potential. Somewhere along your journey to find love, you started seeing life as black and white, but most people live in a gray area, so you need to lower your impossible standards.
  3. Your BS detector may just be in overdrive… You’re weeding out the bad guys, but you’re also weeding out the good ones right along with them. Red flags aren’t jumping out at you — you’re digging for problems. You’re looking for the tiniest skeleton in his closet so you can cast him aside. You smell BS everywhere you go and it’s stinking up everything. It’s important to stay aware but assuming every guy is full of it is the wrong way to go.
  4. No man is perfect. No woman is either, not even you. So if you’re looking for perfection, you might as well give up and give into your future as a cat lady right now. Every man will have his flaws and that’s not the same as a red flag. Unless you start to see the difference, all you’ll ever be is alone.
  5. Are you afraid to find love? Be honest here. It wouldn’t be the most surprising thing in the world, especially if you’ve been hurt before. You put your heart on the line and that risk came back to bite you in the butt. Now you’re terrified to feel pain like that again, so you stop anything before it starts. It makes sense, but there’s no happy ending there.
  6. It’s good you know what you want, but your fantasy isn’t real. You’ve dreamed up your Mr. Right in your head and now you’re looking for exactly the man you’ve pictured in that perfect imagination. The guy in your daydreams isn’t real, though. You have to accept that the right guy for you may not be exactly who you expected, but he’ll be what you need, and that’s the beauty of true love.
  7. You can’t judge a book by its cover. The same is true for men. You can’t judge him by his outward appearance and by the qualities you think you see in him right off the bat. You’re making a snap judgment before you even know the man. Every guy deserves a chance. Who knows, the guy you take one glance at and throw back to all the other fishes may just be the catch you needed. You wanted want guys to judge you too quickly, so don’t do it to them.
  8. Everyone has a red flag if you look hard enough. Maybe you’re still heartbroken — red flag. Maybe you’re still hung up on your ex — red flag. Maybe you hate all men because of a few bad apples who played you in the game of love — red flag. There are red flags everywhere you look. The fact that you’re bitter about love and have grown into a cynic who immediately writes every guy she meets off as a loser may just be your own red flag. You can keep throwing stones from your glass house, but as long as you do, your love life will always be shattered.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.