If You Have To Pressure Him To Date You, He Doesn’t Want To Be With You

You’ve been looking for love for what seems like ages and you just want to find a good guy and a solid relationship but it seems nearly impossible. Dating can be tough no matter how great you are, but you should never have to convince, beg, or pressure a guy into a relationship.

  1. You should never be that desperate. You’re an amazing woman who deserves an amazing guy but you’re not desperate, so don’t act it. If he can’t see how great you are then you should be strong enough to walk away and move on to the next guy. This guy isn’t your last shot at love — far from it. Remember there’s no need to pressure when there are plenty of guys out there who would be more than happy to be with a girl like you.
  2. Finding love is all about having confidence. If you’re willing to pressure a guy into dating you, that just shows how little confidence you truly have. Before you can love another person, you need to learn how to love yourself. It’s one of the biggest cliches but it’s true. Find self-acceptance and that’s when you’ll start attracting men who actually want to be with you —not ones who still need convincing.
  3. If you have to pressure him, the relationship will only end in heartbreak. Eventually, he’s going to resent you for pushing him into a relationship he never really wanted. If he’s not all-in on your relationship all on his own, he doesn’t actually want to be with you. You’re thinking that over time he’ll realize that you’re great together, but in reality, the opposite will happen. He’ll realize that he should’ve listened to his gut and you’ll end up devastatingly heartbroken.
  4. If you’re right for each other then things will progress naturally. Good relationships don’t come from force. There are no ultimatums. There’s no pressure because in a healthy relationship two people actually want to be together. If you both had a genuine interest in each other then you would move into the real relationship phase smoothly, not forcibly.
  5. Pressuring a guy gives him the power to determine your self-worth. You’re telling him that you need him. If you felt you were worthy of real love, you’d walk away from a guy who clearly isn’t giving you what you deserve, but you’re not. Instead, you’re sticking around trying to change his mind. That shows him that you have no real sense of self-worth and any worth you do have you equate to him. You’re so much better than that.
  6. If you don’t think you’re a catch, he won’t think you are either. He’s never going to see how great you are if you don’t see it yourself. A catch doesn’t have to convince a guy to be with her because she’s confident enough in herself to know a guy shouldn’t need convincing. Guys don’t want girls who throw themselves at them. They don’t want women who will put up with anything just to be with a guy. They know that keepers are the girls who stand up for themselves because the only way you get to be a chooser is if you don’t beg.
  7. You’re starting the relationship off by giving him all the power. You didn’t just put the ball in his court and then walk away. You’re putting the ball in his court and then pressing him hard on defense. You want to win him, not the game of love. He’s the goal and pressuring him just makes him know that. He could go either way with you, but you’re the one that truly wants him. It’s not mutual and that’s going to make all the difference.
  8. Men with a fear of commitment never make good boyfriends. If he isn’t taking an avid interest in you now, what makes you think being official or exclusive is going to change that? He just went from your kinda-sorta-maybe interested guy to your pressured-into-a-relationship boyfriend. He wasn’t exactly the guy of your dreams in the first place and that’s not going to change just because of your status changes. He’s still exactly who he was before you were official. Is that really the guy you want to be with?
  9. Pressuring him is just a nicer way to say you’re begging. That’s the truth — you’re trying to convince a guy that he wants you and that’s something you should never have to do. You’re better than that and you deserve so much better than that. If he doesn’t want to be with you, you need to find your inner strength and just walk away. No guy should reduce or belittle you into begging for love.
  10. At the end of the day, he should like you enough to want a real relationship. No matter what, it’s all about how much he’s actually interested in you. If you have to assert any amount of pressure on him at all, then he doesn’t like you enough. He should WANT to be with you. He should feel lucky to be with you. If he doesn’t, you have to walk away.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.