If He Does These Things, He’s Toxic

Toxic dudes tend to come across as incredibly sweet and charming in the beginning of a relationship and they only start to show their true colors once you’re reeled in. Ugh. While you might think it’s impossible to know if a guy’s a loser before you waste your time dating hm, there are signs you should be on the lookout for. If you notice any of these giant red flags, get out now.

  1. He always seems like he has something to hide. He can’t answer a simple question. If you ask him where he’s going tonight he replies with, “I’m going out.” Duh! You know he’s going out — you’re looking for details but he doesn’t give you any, which makes you suspicious about what he’s really up to. If he’s being shady, there’s probably a reason for it.
  2. He hangs out with dudes who are rude, immature, and all-around awful. In many ways, the company you keep says a lot about who you are. Every single one of this dude’s friends is single and none of them have respect for women. Considering how arrogant, rude, and immature they are, there’s no wonder they can’t find girlfriends. What does your guy see in them, again?
  3. He Subtly Tries to Control Everything You Do. He doesn’t blatantly tell you what to do — he strongly implies what he thinks you should do. He’ll give you suggestions for how to live your life (completely unsolicited), but those suggestions sound more like rules. For example, he’ll tell you he thinks it’s a bad idea to go out tonight with your friends but insists you should totally do what you want. He’ll suggest you wear a different top for dinner or that you cut back on how much pasta you eat — you know, because he cares… not. He’s controlling. Get out now.
  4. He Never Makes You A Priority. His needs come before your own. In fact, he doesn’t even consider your feelings before he does something. Why would he? He’s selfish and a little bit of a narcissist. You aren’t his first priority; everything (and everyone) comes before you. If you ever call him out on this, he’ll likely accuse you of being selfish and try to find a way to make you feel bad for having needs and for his failure to fulfill them.
  5. He gives his friends the nitty gritty details about your relationship. The first time you two had sex, he texted his friends and told them every detail. If you guys try something kinky, he tells his squad all about it. His friends know everything — they know your bra size, whether or not you wax down there, and where you rate on his “best lays I’ve ever had” list (yes, he has one of those). How do you know his friends know your sexual history? Because whenever you see them, they giggle and wink at each other like schoolgirls.
  6. He only wants to talk about himself. Like I said, he’s a narcissist, which means he doesn’t necessarily care about anyone or anything besides himself. Because of this, your topics of conversation tend to revolve around him, his life, and thinks that interest him. When you start sharing anything about yourself, he zones out or changes the subject. Charming.
  7. You catch him in stupid lies pretty regularly. He doesn’t even do a good job at hiding his lies. He’ll tell you he’s at the movies but then he’ll send you a Snapchat of him holding a glass of wine. Uh, okay? He lies all the time over stupid stuff and when you call him out on it, he flips the script and tells you that you either misread the situation or that he had to lie because you get so “crazy” when he tells you the truth. What?!
  8. He Slaps Your Ass To Be Funny. Sure, he’ll invite you out to the bar sometimes, but he treats you like a low key prostitute when you’re out with his friends. He’ll call you easy just to be funny. He’s even slapped your ass in public. This guy has no sense of respect and he doesn’t care how you feel about it. All he wants is someone he can show around to his pals like a trophy wife (but without the commitment).
  9. He’s turning you into someone you don’t recognize anymore. He never tells you he likes you, he rarely shows affection (unless he feels you slipping away), and he doesn’t make you feel special. Instead of blaming him, you blame yourself. You start to think you’re not pretty enough, smart enough, or worth his attention. You’ve never been this insecure before but he’s slowly turning you into someone you don’t recognize.
  10. You constantly Have To Defend Him To Your Friends. Your friends don’t like him and they’re constantly asking you why you put up with his daily BS. Their questions cause you to go on the defense. You’re constantly claiming that “he’s not usually like this” or “his last girlfriend left him really messed up and he’s still recovering.” They don’t believe you and you don’t believe yourself. Get a grip.
  11. He Doesn’t Have A Romantic History. He’s had three girlfriends, two of which he dated back in high school. His last “serious relationship” was in college with a girl he only dated for a month, so clearly he doesn’t know what a serious relationship is or how to have one. There’s something seriously wrong with this picture.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.