If He Has Doubts About Us, I Want To Know Now

Doubts mean the end, right? Hell no! That’s just another stupid relationship myth that everyone falls for. I’ve done it, but then I decided to actually think for myself and viola! It’s okay if a guy has doubts about us at any time during our relationship, but I just ask that he lets me know instead of holding it in.

  1. I’ve got doubts too.  Guys love keeping it all in, but I know he has doubts. I’ve got my own doubts. I’m not always the best at bringing up difficult subjects, but I will try to let a guy know that I’m not 100% sure about us for whatever reason. And no, that doesn’t mean I want to break up, I just need to talk things through.
  2. Let’s fix what’s going on before it’s too late. Sometimes doubts stem from random problems. Maybe we’ll disagree on something stupid like politics or my family doesn’t like him. Okay, so let’s talk about it now instead of letting it fester into something that we can’t fix. I just want him to talk to me so we can work through it.
  3. Maybe this really is just a waste of time. Whether it’s me or him having doubts, it could just mean it’s a gut feeling that says this relationship isn’t right. That’s fine too. I don’t want to think I’ve found love only to be led on for years. I’d rather get hurt now than waste my time when he’d had doubts from the beginning.
  4. If I’m happy and he’s not, I want to know. Just because I seem happy in the relationship doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear his doubts. He deserves to be as happy as I am, so I don’t want him to hold back. I want to know if he’s uncertain. It’s not insecurity talking, it’s being an adult. Trust me, I’ll always let him know if I’m not happy, so I want him to do the same for me.
  5. Staying quiet just makes him seem suspicious. I’m not an oblivious idiot. I can tell when something’s on my boyfriend’s mind. If he won’t tell me anything, I’m going to get suspicious. I get it if he’s still working things out in his own head, but I just want a little heads-up that he’s going to talk to me about it soon.
  6. I’m honestly not going to get pissed off. Keeping those doubts about us locked up tight isn’t going to make everything better. I promise that I’m not going to get pissed off that he’s got doubts. If he waits until we’re about to say “I do,” he might just see she-hulk burst through that wedding dress and kick his butt. So he better speak now or forever hold his peace.
  7. If he’s afraid to share, this isn’t going to work. I know it’s not easy to say “hey, I’m not feeling great about us for X reason.” Yet, if he’s too afraid to make a few waves to make this relationship better, then it’s not going to work. We have to be able to talk to each other. Otherwise, what’s the point of being together?
  8. Stop talking to everyone else and talk to me. Everyone else doesn’t need to know about our problems. Besides, how are they going to know how I’ll react or how to fix it? I want him to talk to me because I’m the one he’s with. It’s okay for him to work out what he wants to say, but he should make sure he’s including me before his friends turn some small issue into the end of the relationship.
  9. He’ll never know what might happen until he says something. I don’t know if the doubts he brings up will make us stronger or tear us apart, but he’s not going to know until he says something. Either way, the sooner he says something, the sooner we’ll find out. Sitting on those doubts is just going to drive him crazy and that’s not going to make anything better between us.
  10. Neither of us is perfect, so let’s just admit it. I don’t know why expressing doubts somehow bruises egos. I’m not perfect. I’ve got plenty of issues. I knew when we got together that he had his own baggage too. So, he shouldn’t be afraid of crushing my ego. It’s kind of like the ultimate bouncy house. Whatever he says is just going to bounce off and I’ll move on. It’s not the end of the world.
  11. Maybe he’s heard rumors that are complete BS. I’ve pissed people off in my life and they’d love nothing more than to put doubts in his head. Maybe someone told him a story about that completely innocent picture on Facebook with me and an ex. Maybe he should try checking with me first before going completely off the deep end when there’s nothing going on.
  12. I’m not asking for 100% honesty, but I need to know when something’s off. I know there’s going to be some white lies and omissions, but I need to know when something’s not right with the relationship. I consider doubts to be like underwear. If they’re not aired out, it’s going to get real dirty, real fast. I just want to keep the relationship clean, just like undies.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.