If He Says These 11 Things, He’s Not Really Committed

You watch his actions for hints that he’s keen on having a future with you, but you should also pay attention to what comes out of his mouth. If he says any of these 11 things, consider yourself warned—he’s not going to stick around for too long.

  1. “Let’s keep things the way they are.” You want to define the relationship and take things to the next level, but every time you try to broach the subject, he brings you back down to the present moment. He likes how things are? It’s been months! The guy’s keeping you in a relationship rut because it’s going nowhere.
  2. “I’m not a family guy.” You invite him to your folks’ place for Christmas and he says he’s not big on family. While it might be true that he doesn’t get along with his family, a guy who’s serious about you will make an effort to be part of your family. If he’s resisting, that’s a huge red flag. Same goes for if your family and friends don’t like him.
  3. “I’ll have to let you know.” You want to make date plans with him for the week but he can’t give you an immediate answer. He says something like he’ll have to let you know how his week pans out. Whatever. The guy should be able to squeeze in a coffee or drinks date without “checking his schedule.” That’s such a lame way to buy some time.
  4. “I’m so stressed right now.” If he’s opening up to you about how work is stressing him out, that’s a good sign that he’s including you in his life. It’s a totally different story if he uses the “I’m stressed” excuse to get out of plans with you or to avoid having the relationship talk. He’s trying to gain your sympathy so you back off.
  5. “I’m feeling pressured.” Maybe he tells you that you’re the reason why he’s feeling stressed. The nerve! He might say that he doesn’t want relationship pressure. Meanwhile, you’re wondering what you did to even make him feel cornered. It’s not like you want anything more than just to know where you stand and what he wants. If he’s acting like a baby, he’s not grown enough to be in a serious relationship.
  6. “My best friend’s busy this week.” You want to meet his friends. It’s been weeks or months of dating and even though he regularly mentions his best friend, you still haven’t had the chance to meet him or her. Your guy always gives you an excuse for why his friend’s not available, and this isn’t cool. It’s like he doesn’t want to include you in his life.
  7. “You were wrong.” This is one of those statements that might be valid. If you messed up, your boyfriend has every right to tell you that you were wrong to treat him unfairly. Still, it’s not cool if he’s always pinning the blame on you for things instead of taking responsibility for his actions and apologizing to you. That’s not the behavior of a guy who’s keen on having a serious, long-term commitment with you.
  8. What do you love about me?” This is a weird one that can take you by surprise. If your boyfriend asks you why you love him or what’s great about being with him, it might make you feel like he’s trying to put you off him—and he probably is. A guy who wants to be with you will want you to see how much he’s worth being with. He’s not going to make it seem like he’s a dating dud.
  9. “It’s complicated.” You ask him about his ex and what their relationship was like and he says it was complicated. You ask him about his feelings and what he wants for the future and he throws the same words your way. What the heck? This guy is trying to avoid certain topics of conversation because he’s not keen on building greater emotional intimacy with you. He’s shutting doors in your face.
  10. “I’m a spontaneous guy.” OK, so maybe he really is the kind of guy who likes to live in the moment and do whatever comes to mind, but if he’s dating you seriously, he should be able to plan some stuff. If he can’t plan for dates weeks ahead of time or he can’t tell you if he’s planning on moving in with you in the near future or not, and this behavior goes on for months at a time, he’s simply not that serious about you.
  11. “I’m not big on social media.” There are some people out there who avoid social media altogether and that’s fine. But if the guy you’re dating says he’s not interested in social media yet he has multiple social media accounts and he’s always posting selfies and updates, he can’t really use that as a valid reason for why he’s not changing his relationship status. The guy’s shady as hell.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.