If I Run Into Another Guy Who Does These Things, I’m Going To Lose My Mind

The struggle is so real on the search to find an eligible match. Some days it feels like if you missed the love train and didn’t get to settle down young, you’re basically straight out of luck in the relationship department. I am so tired of keeping hope alive only to end up facing the same aggravating scenarios over and over. At this point, I’m literally going to scream if I run into another potential and any of these 10 things happen again.

  1. Ghost me after coming on heavy Why?! This should be illegal. A true crime of passion. What is the point of getting started in something with someone only to pull away fast and hard with no explanation? I spent months mutually flirting with this one guy and he finally asked me out on a couple of dates. Our chemistry was hot, and he already started talking about our future together, including meeting his daughter and potentially marriage down the road. Then, bam, he hits me with a verbatim “it’s not you, it’s me” and refuses to elaborate. I was devastated! Antics like this cut deep and leave lasting wounds.
  2. Turning out to be someone different than who they claimed to be I went through the whole process of marrying someone who ended up doing a drastic 180 flip a few months in and said this was who he really was, and he refused to change. Well, I didn’t sign up for this person- I don’t know you. How can you connect with someone if they just hide their alternate personalities until after you’ve formed a bond with the version of themselves they were showing you? Authenticity is key. Be fair to both of us and be yourself from the start.
  3. Having great conversation with me, then going MIA for days Um, hello Waldo, where’d you go? I’m all for space and individual pursuits, but there’s a point when this is downright misleading and disrespectful. What exactly are we doing here? Do we have an intermittent connection or are we investing in building toward a future together? If so, I should be able to reach this person outside of just on their schedule and not be left wondering for days when or if we’ll talk again.
  4. Saying they’re serious about looking for someone and settling down but put next to no effort into the relationship This only leads me to wonder if this is why the person is single in the first place. Relationships don’t just fall in your lap and function independently of your actions. You need to make an intentional decision to work on getting to know someone and merging your life with theirs. People can be so complacent about forming a meaningful connection with others and maintaining the interaction once it begins. If you want to be serious, show me don’t just tell me and expect things to magically fall into place.
  5. Refusing to define the relationship Can the person responsible for starting the concept of a “situationship” please stand up? I refuse to fall into the trap of ending up in one of these again. It’s so pointless. Take heed to the words of Beyoncé and put a ring on it if you like it. Otherwise, to the left with you so someone with serious intentions can slide on in.
  6. Trying to keep me hidden in the bushes I’m generally a private person, but as far as relationships go it’s respectful to claim the person, you’re with openly. People don’t need to know exact details of our day to day or what we’re doing behind closed doors, but if our relationship occurs in a forest and nobody is around to witness it, does it even exist? I’m not down with the secretive business anymore. In fact, I personally think I’m worth shouting off the rooftops but that’s just my opinion.
  7. Still sleeping with an ex/co-parent while dating me Look, if those relations are not over, then by all means stay where you’re at with that whole situation. You can’t have multiple cakes and eat them all, too. It’s even worse with the co-parent situation because they’ll use the excuse of not wanting to introduce you to that person until things are really serious, not giving you a chance to find out what’s really up. I don’t like to share, especially without my knowledge.
  8. Only wanting to lay up in the house and not go on dates If we’re still dating and not living together or married, I’m not trying to make frequent house calls. We should see the light of day together as a couple. If we’re stuck in an endless cycle of Netflix and chill before tying the knot, what do I have to look forward to once there are more responsibilities on our mutual plate? Stop being lazy.
  9. Not admitting they want me until I get with someone else and now they’re jealous and aggressive This is truly unfair. I spent all that time single and lonely only to get hit with bitter fire once I finally find someone who’s willing to claim me. Why didn’t you speak up sooner and how exactly is this my fault now? The only person you can be mad at is yourself.
  10. Casually lying about majorly important info This relationship only has enough room for so much nose, Pinocchio. I deserve to know if I’m faced with deal-breakers or not and the truth always comes to light so fess up now and get it over with.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer