If It Was Meant To Be With Him, It Would Have Been—So Get Over It

When you just can’t seem to get over someone no matter how hard you try, it’s a special kind of hell. Wondering if things could have worked out differently can seriously keep you up at night, but the truth is that breakups usually stick for a reason. After all, if it was meant to be, you would still be with him.

  1. Love is something that you can never force. You can talk yourself into a job, into eating ice cream for dinner seven nights in a row, into watching just one more episode before bed even though it’s already 11 p.m. You can’t talk someone into loving you and staying in love. Stop wishing that you were still with him and start remembering this.
  2. Hindsight is a real bitch. Of course, at the time, you thought that this guy was your one and only. He seemed like the cutest, sweetest, funniest, smartest person ever and you couldn’t imagine ever being with anyone else. Even if you miss him and still think that he’s the best, you have to admit that hindsight has allowed you to see your relationship in a whole new light. There must be something that sucked about him. Maybe he didn’t want to commit or freaked out when you mentioned the future or he put your hobbies and interests down.
  3. Every cliche is actually true. When you go through a breakup, you hear every cliche. It happened for a reason. You’re so much better off. He wasn’t the right person. Time heals all wounds. Ugh, right? While hearing these cheesy sayings may piss you off, you should actually listen to them. You’re living without this guy because you’re supposed to.
  4. You did what you could at the time. The worst part of a breakup is all the what ifs floating through your mind. You tell yourself that if you had been more patient, more understanding, more fun, then this guy would have stuck around. You can only be yourself and you can only do whatever feels right at the moment. You did nothing wrong and it would be a great idea to remember that.
  5. Second chances are super rare. You might be thinking that if you can just craft the perfect text message, then this guy will be in your life once again. Stop thinking that ASAP. While some couples do need some time apart in order to reconnect and fall back in love, that’s probably not the case here.
  6. You need to think about the crappy times. When you get dumped (or you’re the one to end things), you pretty much close your eyes and see a stream of images, and they’re all romantic AF. Suddenly you can’t remember the worst fight you two had or how much he hated your best friend. You can only think of what a great kisser he was or that time he surprised you for your birthday. If you focus on the bad parts of your relationship, you will see that it wasn’t all amazing and that you really can get over him.
  7. Your friends will tell you the truth. Being a best friend means never being super honest about someone’s boyfriend. You’ve been there, right? You’re not a fan of the guy that she’s with but you can’t tell her because you don’t want to harm the friendship. When you need some clarity on the whole breakup, talk to your friends and they’ll tell you what they really think about the guy that you just left behind. Chances are, they weren’t as into him as you were, and they’ll set you straight.
  8. You deserve an uncomplicated love story. If you feel like you should still be with someone even though you’re apart, that means that things are pretty complicated. And that’s not what you need in your life. You deserve to be with a guy who will never doubt that you’re the best person ever. Even though it’s going to suck right now, things are eventually going to turn around.
  9. You might not figure it all out until your next relationship. It’s okay if you’re full of more questions than answers about why you and this guy broke up or why you’re happier without him. You might not learn all of those lessons until you fall for someone else. As long as you’re open to that, it’s all good.
  10. There’s literally nothing that you can do. Cry all you want, eat all the junk food you want, text your BFF about your plans to get back together. There is nothing that you can do because the breakup was the right thing to do. Once you can accept that, you can move on and believe that there really is someone out there for you—because there definitely is.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.