If You Need To Spy On Him, You Shouldn’t Be Dating Him

If You Need To Spy On Him, You Shouldn’t Be Dating Him ©iStock/Portishead1

We all get paranoid every once in a while, but those insecure thoughts are usually easy enough to shake once you bring yourself back down to reality. That being said, if you’re so consistently suspicious of a guy that you’re spying on him, you should probably trust what your gut is telling you — something is up and you need to get out.

  1. Your gut usually leads you in the right direction. We can’t always predict the future, but when it comes to getting gut feelings, they’re often pretty spot on. How many times have you looked back and been like, oh yeah, I totally knew that was going to happen? The key is to making sense of those feelings in the moment and then accepting that if someone is raising red flags left and right, they’re probably not worth a lot of your time.
  2. You’re literally looking for trouble. You might not find proof that he’s cheating on you, but you’re looking for it — and odds are good that you’ll get caught eventually, so not only are you looking for trouble, you’re actually inviting it in. If you don’t care that you could be falsely accusing him of bad behavior, then maybe you’re not actually as invested in the relationship as you thought.
  3. You don’t generally have the urge to spy on people. We all do some social media stalking here and there, but it’s not like you go into private investigator mode on everyone 24/7 by trying to hack into your friend’s emails or reading their text messages. If you don’t normally have that urge with guys that you’re dating but this guy you do, that should be a sign in and of itself.
  4. You usually give guys the benefit of the doubt. Unless you’re cynical and pessimistic in general, it’s likely you’ll assume that people you hang out with are honest and decent — why would you want to hang out with them otherwise? If you’re newly spending a lot of energy thinking that you’re being duped, maybe you are.
  5. Obsessing about it won’t do any good. No matter how much snooping you do, you can’t control whether someone is going to cheat on you or not, which means the options are to live your life and deal with it if something comes up or to decide that this relationship isn’t right. (Or maybe it’s a sign you just need some single time in general.) A lot of liars and cheats hide their tracks pretty well, so you don’t necessarily need to wait for proof if you already know.
  6. You’re basically asking for an out. If you already think that someone is shady but you’re looking for proof, you’re basically just looking for a way out of the situation. Finding proof would give you an excuse to leave, and not finding any isn’t going to put your mind to rest anyway.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com