When you start dating someone new, you usually exchange a fair number of texts, many before you even meet up for the first time. It can tell you a lot about your potential future boyfriend, like whether he texts back promptly, if he likes emojis, etc. Those things are good to know, of course, but there are also a bunch of red flag texts that you should be on the lookout for and run from ASAP.
Any text that demands naked photos.
Whether or not you send him nudes is up to you, but generally if a guy is requesting them right off the bat, he’s not in this for the right reasons. Never, ever forget that once your photos are out there, anyone can see them, so if you ever do decide to exchange, use your best judgment. (And make sure you totally trust the guy.)
“Where do you live?”
Now, this can be totally harmless or it can be a little off-putting. If you’re just starting to talk to someone you met online, you should never reveal your full address. Obviously, that’s something he’ll figure out once you’ve been on a few successful dates. If you barely know him, you’re pretty much giving up your safe space. If he turns out to be kind of a loser, you don’t want to risk seeing him lurk outside your door every morning.
“You remind me of my ex.”
Those two broke up for a reason. If he’s quick to compare you, he’s pretty much saying, “Hey, I’m not over my ex yet, and I plan on channeling my love of her through you.” You’re your own person and you’re not a placeholder. Even if he meant for this statement to sound endearing, it comes off as being totally creepy.
“Sorry I have to cancel plans last minute.”
People need to cancel plans sometimes because crap happens, but if you’ve noticed a pattern, it means that something suspicious is going on. Does he have a wife? Is he dating someone else? The “last minute” bit makes it seem like someone may have been onto his plan to leave the house. If you’re getting a strange suspicion that you’re the other woman, you probably are. Leave now and find someone who makes you (and only you) a priority.
“I think I’m in love with you.”
Did you just meet this guy online? Then no — he’s not in love with you. He barely even knows you. Guys often drop lines like these because they assume that women want to hear them. And while it’s romantic, make sure you step back before responding with an, “I feel the same.” Dropping the L-bomb so early (especially before a first date!) can serve as a key to future manipulation.
“What’s your bra size?”
You might get this from a creep on Tinder. Not only is a totally weird thing to text a girl, but it’s something you’d expect a 12-year-old to ask. NEXT!
“Your friends are cute.”
This is weird for a few reasons. For one, it’s something you can’t really respond to. Like, thanks, you guess? Two, it makes it seem like he’s hoping you’ll invite him to an orgy featuring you and your friends. Three, even if he thinks your friends are cute, stating that makes it look like he’d be comparing you to them — or quietly crushing on them — throughout your relationship. There’s just nothing good that will come of this.
Any text that references his penis.
When guys lead in with this, it’s a sign that they’ve got nothing going on in the brains department. Also, no — you don’t need to respond or comment on a picture he sends of it that you didn’t ask for. Remember that if you got flashed like that in public, you’d have every right to call the police.
“You’re my dream girl.”
Whoa, wait. Hold the phone. Again, this might sound like something he thinks you want to hear, but let’s look into this a bit closer. In all honesty, you don’t want to be anyone’s fantasy — you want to be their reality. The second you go “off script,” this guy could get super creepy. He already has the vision of who you’ll be, and at this stage, he should still be figuring out who you truly are.
“If you don’t go out with me, I’ll kill myself.”
Mental health issues are very, very real and shouldn’t be ignored, but they also can’t be solved by you. Often times, people use the “I’ll kill myself” threat to control you, which is just plain scary. If you’re dating a guy and it doesn’t work, and he uses the suicide or depression card to try and change things to his favor, call the police. Seriously. They’ll properly handle the situation in a way you can’t.
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